Windowpane
by Aviditty
Summary: Trapped in a abusive relationship with Beck, Jade finds solace in Tori Vega; the girl she once considered her frenemy. Hiding in the shadows of her abuse she realizes that she needs Tori now more then ever. Feelings can be so strong they're almost paralyzing and you have no choice but to let them consume you.
1. Authors note

Authors note: This fanfic has been swimming around in my head for a couple weeks now. I've never had so much spark for a fanfic, as I have this one. Usually I write a few chapters, and then get stuck on fanfics, as I am better at writing my own stories. But for this it's much different. Every scene just fell into place. 33 ; u; Such a wonderful feeling!

There are so many people who are already encouraging me with Windowpane. ; ; 3 It makes my heart flutter so much. I've had so many of my lovelies tell me this is an amazing prompt! I've had people role-play scenes out with me, listen to my rambles and I take each and every opinion to heart. Seriously, I love you guys so much! 33

Windowpane was inspired by the song, _Love the Way you Lie_ by Rihanna and Eminem. The song fits and tells the trials behind Beck's abusive relationship with Jade. I won't give much away, but I will say this. You'll hate Beck. Don't get me wrong, I love the character, and I do not hate him one bit! But in this fanfic, he's abusive and is masking it, and I hope that you'll feel some strong emotion towards him. At points you'll hate Jade. Maybe sometimes you'll hate Tori too. If you do, if you feel any kind of intense emotion, that means I'm doing a good job. C:

Windowpane will be written in first person, which I haven't done in forever, so please be gentle. ;o; Give me every and any constructive criticism you have to offer! I love to improve! 3 Send me questions or comments if you want~ I love messages!

Last but not least, I do not own Victorious or any of its respective characters. If I did, the show would be airing on Teen Nick, and this would probably happen.


	2. Prologue: Windowpane

Windowpane

Isn't it funny how when life starts looking up for you, something, tiny, even miniscule has to come and destroy it? It's the little things. Maybe you were just recovering from the loss of a pet, and then your boyfriend decides to break up with you. Or perhaps you had earned a really awesome award, only to find out it wasn't even meant for you at all.

Then there are other instances where you trick yourself into believing it will get better. You keep telling yourself, 'Chin up; you'll make it through this' and then you never do.

When New Years comes along, and everyone makes resolutions, they often claim that this year will be better than the last. But when you look back on it, you find that it was even worse than the previous one. Just a continuous cycle.

Sometimes cycles can be broken, but often times, more than none, time just keeps repeating itself. History repeats itself, as can bad things in life. Like recurring nightmares you used to get when you were a kid, you can find yourself stuck in the same cycle except its more raw. More real.

You look through the windowpane out at the happy people who don't seem to have a care in the world. They carry on with their lives, with happy memories, and they push on and they keep going, and somehow they beat the cycle when they get stuck in it. And you wonder, why can't I get out of this quicksand like them? What did I do to deserve this? Do I not have the willpower to change my life? So then you start blaming others, anyone that you can, because you trick yourself into thinking it's not your fault. Or maybe they brainwash you into thinking it is. Nonetheless it leaves you battered and broken lying naked on the ground.

A pendulum is often what life can be thought as. Yeah, bad things come your way, but you'll always bounce back. Back and forth, from the bad to the good.


	3. Chapter 1: Stillframe

I've had this done for about 2 days but I kept hesitating to post it because I kept fretting and wanting to proof-read this 100 times. ^^;; I decided to post it before I go off to work! Sorry for the wait my lovelies! 33 I really hope this is believable especially the parts with Beck's abusive nature; I hope it wasn't too abrupt in, especially when he stopped. ;o; As always your comments and your support mean a lot. 3

Chapter 1

Stillframe

There's a certain kind of cloud that lingers in the air when tension looms. At first you try and push it away, but then you realize that there were signs all along that led to it. Maybe not apparent at first, but then it sticks out like a sore thumb in your mind when you notice it.

I sip at my coffee, feeling the soft sticky taste of sugar coat the liquid, as Beck's posture changes. It's soft, subtle, but I notice it right away. Maybe it's because I've learned to see the signs, the little things, which can lead into full-blown arguments. The twitch of his frown, the furrow in his brow and the furious gleam in his eyes. I notice these things because it's what I've grown accustomed to.

I shift my position and stare him the eyes. I feel like I have more power when I do that, even though I know I never do. He clears his throat and just like that I know the highs of my week are about to end.

"So…" He runs a hand through his hair and stares at me with pursed lips. "Where were you yesterday?"

My shoulders tense up knowing an argument is about to unfold but I act like this is just an everyday question. I cross one leg over my knee, and turn my coffee cup in my hands while I think of how to reply. _What did I do yesterday…? Oh right. I was with Vega and Cat._

"I was with Vega and Cat. They wanted to hang out. We were at Karaoke Dokie remember?" I narrow my eyes at him and take another sip of my coffee. It tastes no longer like the caffeinated bliss that I remember. No, it's more like stale bile, like the kind that's churning in my stomach right now.

I glance at the walls of my living room, taking in all the pictures and the adornments that dot the walls. I need something to distract myself, anything to ease my mind. Maybe I can get myself out of a fight before it starts. It's a sad fact that these walls no longer hold a fond memory for me anymore. Beck and I used to meet up here at my house before school, or at his RV, and then we'd drive to school together. It was something sweet and tender we'd often do; sometimes he'd make me breakfast and we'd chat while idly doing homework at the last minute. Moments like that are rarities now.

An intake of breath and I know without glancing at him that he's furious. "You were with Tori and Cat?"

I glance up at him and quirk a studded brow as if I wonder why he's asking such a simple question. I know he's looking for a fight and if I can avoid it I will. I give a simple nod and stare him in the eyes, trying to guess his motives. Something must have gone wrong. I had to have done something wrong for this to be brought up.

"Yeah. Cat's my best friend and Vega's…well…" I purse my lips slightly. "We're sort of becoming friends. Cat wanted us to hang out and sing karaoke, what's the problem?"

"Problem?" He laughs – a sardonic smile playing across his face. "You're kidding, right? We had plans."

"_We_?" I narrow my eyes at Beck and cross my arms over my chest tightly. "I told you I already made plans a few days ago, and you didn't have a problem with it!"

"Wow." He rolls his eyes and gives me a tight-lipped smile and I know that this won't end well. The arguments will always start out normal and then careen into a point of no return. "So you pretty much stood me up?"

I narrow my eyes and sigh, muttering, "I did not! I _told_ you I had plans and you said we could hang out over the weekend instead."

"Liar."

The simple word made my blood boil and I got up off my chair reaching for my Gears of War bag only to find it's not where I last put it. I glance around until I see Beck holding my bag out of the corner of my eye. A mocking smile is splayed across his face as he mutters, "Looking for this?"

I give a curt nod and reach for it but he narrows his eyes and holds it further away from my reach. "C'mon, Beck! Stop playing around!" I hiss. "We have to get to school in 20 minutes!"

"School can wait. We're not done." He stands up and tosses my bag near the sink and shoves his hands in his pockets while approaching me.

"You're a pretty crappy girlfriend, you know that?"

I suck in a breath and ball my hands into fists. "You know what? I'm not going to stand here and have you berate me!" My eyes dart towards the door; he notices and shortens the distance between us.

"But you know it's true. You can't deny it."

I open my mouth to speak but he intervenes, grabbing me roughly on the shoulder. I wince and stare daggers at him, gritting my boot into the ground. "You're so insecure, Jade. You're so overbearing when it comes to _me_ and the people I hang out with." His voice rises to a snarl and he clenches my shoulder in a death grip. "If I so much, as _look_ at another girl you go into a frenzy! But when it comes to _you_ that doesn't apply."

"They're our friends, idiot! Of course I'm gonna hang out with them!" I try to wretch out of his grasp but he just grips my tighter. I feel like he could crush my collarbone with that grip. "And what are you talking about?" I spat. "Don't you remember that poor freshman you hit just because he thought I was pretty? Don't you remember that?"

The memory itself made me feel sick, even to this day. It happened a couple months ago. We were walking to Sikowitz's class, and there was a new kid who stopped to ask for directions for his Intro to Theatre class. I told him where to go and he thanked me, muttering a quick, "You're really pretty…" before he went to find his class. Beck told me to go on ahead to class because he said he had to go to get something from his locker. So I left, and he must have followed the boy and shoved him up against the wall, smacking him, and leaving a welt across his cheek. The only reason I knew it was Beck who did it, is because the freshman refused to give us a passing glance in the hallways anymore.

_SNAP! _I reeled back and hit the wall as the force of his strike melted into my skin. I felt stars blur across my vision as the contact of his hand left a red mark across my pale cheek. He yanked me again, shoving me up against the wall before I had time to blink. He was shaking, his dark eyes full of wrath."You're **mine**! Mine and no nobody else's! Don't you ever forget it!"

"Beck let me go!"

His grip intensified and I felt a cold chill descend upon my back. The hairs on my skin stood on end when he muttered a curt, "No."

I try to break away but it results in another strike across the face. Tears stain my vision and I vigorously pound against his chest my voice rising to a scream. "I didn't do anything wrong! I was just hanging out with friends! I'm **not** lying! Ask Vega!"

He shoves me again; I lose my balance and fall backwards hitting the wood of my kitchen floor, my body splayed on the ground, pain shooting up my elbow from where I fell. "I don't need to ask Vega anything! You're **mine**! I should be your first priority! Friends are second!" He hisses and cuffs me on the shoulder repeatedly, his pupils dilating with every hit becoming overwhelmed in rage.

I try to get up but he's crushing me with his weight. My legs are numb and I can't move them without feeling pins and needles prickling my skin. He continues his strikes, each blow making me seethe in pain. Tears threaten to fall but I can't show how much pain I'm under. I block my face with my arms, his blows now aimed at my cheek.

I can't remember how long this has been happening – it's probably only been a couple minutes but it feels like an eternity in my mind. So much pain and guilt race through me as I feel my stomach churning. _I deserve this…I deserve this for not staying faithful to him._

The tears fall freely now but I don't care. My body begins to shake and I shriek out, "Beck! Please stop! You're hurting me!"

And just like that he stops. It's like the moments when it's pouring outside and you never think it's going to stop. But it does; it always does. I tremble as a sob rips through me, and Beck just stares at me, guilt tearing through his eyes like a knife through a steak. I glance up at him through glass eyes and I find the rage has subsided in his. He's staring at me with guilt etched in his brows. It's the closest I've seen him look sympathetic in a long while.

He gingerly touches my arm and I tense, feeling a reeling sting course through my limb. My throat is raw from screaming and I just keep swallowing roughly like I had just taken a pill. His dark eyes are tinged with something so indescribable, like sin has taken shape and was resting in his eyes. When I focus I can almost still see the rage behind the guilt. Like a ghost haunting me.

We just sit there in silence. He's strokes my arm and I tense as if he's about to lash out again. He notices and cups my cheek where I know a bruise will start to form. "Baby," His voice is soft and low; nothing like how it was previously. "I'm sorry. I just lost control…"

I nod silently and look at the wooden floors as if I'm expecting blood to dot the floor from the fight. He grabs me by the chin and makes me look at him.

"Baby…you love me, right? You forgive me?"

I nod shakily and whisper in a low voice. "I love you, Beck…" My voice is hoarse and it feels out of place after screaming. "I always will." I swallow hard, my throat dry and I feel that churning in my stomach again.

He scans my face with furrowed brows, and trails his eyes along my body. He grabs my arm and pulls me up off the floor, tucking a strand of my dark locks behind my ear as he sighs. He reaches for my cheek again and runs his thumb along my welted skin before murmuring, "You can't go to school today. There's no way you can hide these bruises."

"I have makeup, Beck… I can hide them." I murmur but his eyes widen and a glint is veiled in them.

"No." It's a quick sharp retort and I know he means it. "Not today. You're staying home."

I don't bother arguing with him knowing it will result in another argument. I nod gruffly and he sighs glancing at his Pearphone. "I need to go." He says while scanning my eyes again to make sure I'll be okay. "School's starting in five minutes."

He opens his arms for a hug and I hesitantly let him envelop me. He buries his face into my hair, breathing in my scent and runs his fingers along my back. He plants a soft kiss on my forehead and trails down to my cheek to kiss it soothingly as well. "I'm sorry." It's a low undertone as he strokes my cheek. "I love you, baby…You just need to get your act together, alright?" I let out a shaky breath I didn't realize I was holding as he pulls me close and plants a soft chaste kiss on my lips.

"I'll see you after school." He gives me one last look before exiting the house out of the kitchen door. I wait a few moments before letting out a shaky sigh and relaxing my shoulders. I go over and lock the door and run a hand through my hair trying to calm my nerves.

I trod over to where my bag was thrown and toss it over my shoulder, wincing as the material digs into my skin. I take slow steps out of the kitchen and into the living room debating whether or not I want to curl on the couch or retreat to my bedroom. The latter wins and I climb the stairs with a tired gait.

I make my way to my bedroom and lock the door throwing my bag to the ground with a thud. I kick my boots and socks off and let my bare feet creep across my wooden floors until I get to the window. I pull the mini-blinds closed and press my fingertips against my temple as my phone beeps signalizing a text message.

My stomach drops and I reach for my phone in my bag, pulling it out expecting to see a text from Beck. Instead I find it's from Tori. A nervous flutter erupts in my stomach but it's different from the kind I get when I'm with Beck. No, this is more of a good feeling. A safe feeling. I growl and shake the thought from my head.

_Knock it off, Jade! You've got to stop this! You're with Beck. You love him and you need him. You don't need anyone else! _

But I know I'm just kidding myself. I can't lie when I say I don't have slight feelings for Vega. I do. I have for a month now. She's the whole reason I'm able to endure this abuse, even for a little while. Sure, I put up the same wall I've always had but it's slightly transparent for her. I've dreamt of being safe in her arms, away from this twisted cycle that keeps repeating.

I strip out of my clothes and change into a black tank top and shorts, eager to rest and recover. I curl up on my bed, wincing, tears stinging my eyes as I feel my bruises touch the comforter of my bed. I know I won't be able to sleep underneath the covers so I just lie curled up, hugging a pillow to my chest.

I glance at my phone at Tori's text and I can't help but give a slight smile at the message. Concern is clearly embedded in the words. That's just the way she is. Selfless and kind.

_Hey, Jade. Beck told me you felt sick and couldn't come to school today. Are you alright? I can bring over some of my famous Tori soup and it'll help you feel better. _A soft snort leaves my lips. _You've been missing a lot of school lately and it makes me worried… :( I'll text you the details on the homework you missed. Also, Beck says he loves you! :) Feel better!_

I feel tears stinging the corner of my eyes as I text back.

_Don't worry about it, Vega. I'll be fine! I just have a crappy immune system lately or something. Thanks. Tell Beck I love him too._

I hug the pillow closer to my chest and wince as it presses against the bruises on my arms and neck. It feels like sandpaper in disguise. I sigh but then remind myself that I deserve this.

_You deserve this…You need to be a better girlfriend. You can't hold feelings for someone else. You're completely happy with Beck. He's everything you need and more. _

"I love Beck." I whisper out loud as I feel my eyelids fluttering. "I don't need anyone else." I figure if I keep telling myself that, I'll soon believe it to be true. It was true at one point; it can't just get up and leave.

My phone beeps once more; it could be a reply from Tori, or maybe it's from Beck. Heck, maybe even Cat. She always gets worried when I'm absent. I never find out however, because my eyelids flutter sleepily and I nestle into a deep sleep.


	4. Chapter 2: My thoughts you can't Decode

Authors Note:

Sorry for the long wait lovelies~! I really hope it was worth it. This would have been done sooner if it weren't for work. :c This is a more light-hearted, happy chapter, and it's long so hopefully it feeds your curiosity!

Hee! And the karaoke part with Tori was so necessary! u I mean, c'mon, she loves Katy Perry, she has stickers/posters/whatevertheyare in her locker, it was so needed. XD I had such a gigglefit writing that scene!

And hee~ The Ring is one of my absolute favorite horror movies! Cat is very similar to me (although I'm not as dumb x3) and I could see her liking horror movies too and getting connected to the characters like me. I know often times people look at me and wonder why on earth I like horror movies since I'm so innocent. I just can't really explain it. ;o; I like psychological horror ones, the kinds with more suspense like Hide and Seek, The Ring, Silent Hill, etc that have amazing and inspirational storylines~ I'm not fond of gorey things or incredibly scary ones like Saw or anything like that. Ohgosh noooo! I just had to include that scene 'cause I thought Cat would be similar. 33

Last but not least, thanks for being patient! Bare with me as I'm not sure I can post chapters every week because of being busy with everyday life and work but I'll work my hardest~! I'm having so much fun, and I'm so connected with this fanfic. I enjoy writing it!

~Aviditty

Chapter 2

My thoughts you can't decode

Driving along to school never felt so awkward and tense. The welt on my cheek was still stinging and prominent to both me and Beck, despite the various cover-ups caking it. He was silent as he drove, one hand on the wheel, his other on my knee absentmindedly stroking it as we sat in this reticence. He felt bad about yesterday, kept telling me that he lost control, that he would never do it again.

I quickly glance over at him then back out the window watching the various people flutter down the sidewalk. He was guilty, he was sorry and I forgave him.

I pulled my dark sleeves down as we neared school grounds and Beck took that as I sign I was cold. In a sense he was oblivious, not realizing it was an action I had to take without people questioning the purple and yellow bruises dotting my arms. His brow furrowed as he glanced over at me, a soft murmur escaping his lips, "You cold?"

_Why gee, Beck, it's a lovely sunny day here in California and I'm wearing dark jeans and a long sleeve shirt, but yeah, you caught me; I'm cold. Not trying to cover up these marks or anything. _

I kept my witty comment to myself and just shook my head. We pulled into the school parking lot and Beck backed into a stall, his eyes gazing at me in the rear-view mirror. When we pulled to a complete stop I unbuckled myself and slid out of the car. I waited for him, trying to put on a small smile; the kind he likes, the kind that's reserved for him.

A goofy smile dances across his features as he wraps his arms around me and we trudge through the school doors. I rest my head on his shoulders as an attempt to calm the nervous battle going through my stomach. It's always hard for me to come back to school after one of his abusive fits, no matter how brief they are, I always have to take a day or two to recover. I make up lies for the reasons I'm homebound: I'm sick, I have a migraine, my stomach hurts; little things that people keep on believing. I dread the day that someone reads between the lines and figures something else in abound.

A high-pitched squeal bounces off the walls and a flurry of red comes crashing over to me. I'm wrapped in a tight, bone-crushing hug, and I feel the bruises pressed against the dark material of my shirt feeling like they could slice right through. Everything gets blurry all of a sudden and it feels like everything has been played in slow-motion. My breath constricts as if a snake has wound its way over my throat and the drowning effect takes over and I feel like I'm about to have a panic attack. My body tenses up and my heart palpitates so much it feels like my heart's about to give way. I'm choking on nothing but everything at the same time and I can't take this, I can't take this, I can't-

"NO!" I let out a scream which causes virtually everyone within walking distance to jump out of surprise and stop what they're doing to stare at me like I'm some sort of psycho on display. Cat's brown eyes are boring into mine and she steps back out of worry, tears are glistening across her corneas. I see Tori walking towards us followed by Andre, and Robbie trailing close behind, but all I see is Tori. The brunette's trailing towards me, apprehension etched in her expression, wondering what happened.

Beck grips my shoulder roughly which causes me to tense up even more and it takes everything in my willpower not to wretch out of his grasp like I did with my best friend standing before me. I knew he meant well, meant it to be a supporting gesture, which is great because my legs feel like they're going to give any second, but the only thing I can think of is the thought of being constricted and restrained and not being able to do anything: the walls closing in.

Cat's standing there ready to cry, her eyes begging for an explanation, and I have to take deep steady breaths just to get oxygen back into my system. She feels like it's her fault, like she did something to hurt me, and it's not her fault, it's all mine and I just wish I could speak!

Tori's beside Cat now, the same worry etched in practically everyone's eyes, but hers is not an exact copy to theirs. Hers is just worry; just plain, selfless worry. Everyone else either has fear or surprise alongside the worry.

I finally manage to get my voice back now; it's weak, hoarse, as if I had screamed my heart out even though I only screamed once. "S-sorry, Cat." I nod softly, guilt shining in my eyes as I steady myself against Beck's shoulder. "I'm still a little tender from throwing up all day yesterday… I got food poisoning. My ribs are sore, and the hug just hurt. I'm a little out of it today; I didn't get much sleep…" The lies just keep pouring out and it takes a slight nudge from Beck to make me stop.

Cat just blinks apologetically up at me and nods. "It's okay." She gives me a tiny smile. "I just missed you so much! I didn't mean to hurt you…"

I pat the top of her head and manage a fake smile to show that I'm okay.

"I thought you said you got a stomach bug?" Tori's voice tears through me and I flinch but compose myself quickly hoping no one saw.

"Well, that's what I thought at first, but I found out that the milk I drank was pass the expiration date so I think it was food poisoning after all…" I lie, chewing on a hang nail, tearing it off with my teeth.

"Oh, well that makes sense." She responds and I thank God she's so gullible. "We're glad you're feeling better."

Everyone murmurs in agreement. The hallways are back to their normal chatter and the passerbys have turned their attention back to their daily activities. Everyone in our group stands awkwardly around me, not really knowing what to say or what to do. It's so abnormal and I'm not used to it so I'm thankful when Cat breaks the silence.

"So, you know how it's my birthday tomorrow?" She asks, smiling wide at me, everything that happened moments before completely erased from her mind.

_Crap! I completely forgot._ I thought, shifting my bag over my shoulder as I by time to ponder what to say.

"Oh, right. You're gonna be 18, aren't you?"

She claps enthusiastically and gives a little bounce as Tori laughs. Something must be on their minds because their smiles mirror a sort of hidden secret, like a kid who knows where the cookie jar is hidden but doesn't want to tell. She sways in place and twirls a lock of her hair between her fingers.

"Well, Tori and I were thinking…Since you're feeling better, and if you don't have plans, we thought maybe we could have a sleepover tonight into tomorrow. Then the guys could come over later in the evening tomorrow and eat cake, and hang out. Do you want to?"

Her eyes are bright and shining as she wills me to answer. I give a quick glance at Beck, trying hard not to bite my lip as I take notice of his expression. I know he wouldn't lash out here and now if he was mad but I need to know what he's thinking. Did we have plans? I couldn't remember. I didn't even know today was Friday that's how out of it I've been. My shoulders relax when he shrugs and runs a hand through his hair. "I promised my dad I'd help him fix his car. You know, father son bonding. Go ahead. It sounds like fun."

I feel a wave of relief wash over me as what Beck said sinks in. He's allowing me to hang out with them. I can't let him know how happy this makes me so I turn my face cold and stiff, but nod with a tiny smile. It's like when you're going through a dark tunnel on a train and when you get to the light everything is great, everything is perfect, you're on Cloud Nine, and you love it. But being out in the light doesn't last for very long. Soon you're succumbed to another tunnel, another embodiedment of darkness, and your back to where you started, the feeling of bliss gone. I take what I can get and I just relish in this moment knowing that this weekend was nothing to take for granted.

I tuck a dark lock of my hair and glance at the two girls before me. Both are beaming and I can tell it's taking everything in Cat's power not to jump up and down excitedly like a child.

"Sure, I'll spend the night." I say nonchalantly as if it's nothing to me, adding briefly, "It's not like I had any other plans anyways."

"Yay!" Cat's eyes are shimmering like diamonds and she giggles excitedly. "This will be so much fun, Jadey! Can I hug you?"

I roll my eyes and stare at her, "I told you, don't call me that. And no, I hate hugs!" She pouts and I sigh giving her a smirk holding out my arms anyways, hoping she'll be gentler this time. She lets out a high-pitched squeak and envelops me in her arms, swaying back and forth as she holds me. Tori grins and joins in being the hugger that she is; her arms wrapping tenderly around my shoulders. Laughter fills the air, the kind that tinkles like bells and I'm enveloped in a feeling of bliss which has been felt less and less lately. A waft of vanilla overpowers my nose and I know its Tori's scent; her sweet milky perfume that smells so good. I sigh softly, feeling guilt tear through my stomach at the thought _I've got to stop._ But no matter what I say it doesn't change the fact that I feel so safe, so protected, when I'm around her.

~ ღ~

School flew by without a passing glance and before I know it I've pulled up to Cat's driveway, bag in tow sitting on the floor of the passenger seat. I park my car and get out, grabbing my bag and hitching it over my shoulder as the lock on my keys clicks so the car is secure and locked.

I follow the cobblestone path up to her doorway and teeter on one foot before I ring the doorbell. I hear it chime through the house and an excited chatter sound before the door opens and I'm standing face to face with Tori.

I quirk a brow and she grins opening the door further and letting me in. I let myself inside and notice how the house is eerily quiet as I glance around it spacious interior.

"Cat ran to the bathroom." Tori affirmed, nodding and motioning up the stairs to where the girl retreated to. "That's why I answered the door."

"Had me worried there, Vega." I snort, wandering through the living room, plopping down on the couch. "Thought maybe you stowed Cat in the basement for torture, preparing to get me next like in a horror movie."

She chuckles at my joke and her brown eyes are twinkling with delight. I put my stuff on the ground and prop my feet on the coffee table, musing over that thought, before asking, "Hey, where's Cat's parents and brother?"

Tori shrugs and shakes her head, obviously not knowing the answer either. Cat's voice bounces off the painted walls to answer us as she transcends down the stairs, "Oh, they took him to the special hospital; he's staying overnight." She rushes over and smiles wide when she realizes that I'm really here and it wasn't a figment of her imagination that heard my voice.

I quirk a studded brow and ask, "What happened this time?"

"Dunno. Mom texted me after school telling me they were taking him. Said he was having a hysteric fit over something or other." She scrunches her nose up in thought but then shrugs it off with a smile. "But that's okay! That means we can just have the house to ourselves all night."

"What about your party tomorrow?" Tori asks softly glancing at the redhead. Cat just laughs. "They said they'd make it home in time for the party, don't worry." She switches the topic, her attention-span is as short as a squirrels.

"Are you guys' hungry? I was thinking we could all make dinner together! Team work will it get it done real quicker!" She cheers.

We both nod in agreement and right on cue Tori's stomach growls hungrily. She grins sheepishly and I snort. "What a pig, Vega."

"Hey! You know you're hungry too! You probably haven't had solid food in 24 hours!"

"I had a good solid meal for breakfast, thank you." I roll my eyes and get up off the couch. As if to mock me my stomach makes a loud gurgling sound which causes the redhead and brunette to start laughing hysterically.

"Alright so I am hungry. Shut it." I amble over to the kitchen area and run a hand through my locks. "So what are we eating?"

"Spaghetti!" Cat exclaims excitedly. "It's really easy to make and so yummy too!"

Tori smiles and the two trot over to the kitchen. "I like spaghetti a lot. I like any kind of Italian food really." She muses as she rummages through the cabinets for two pots and a strainer. She emerges with them both in tow, and Cat and I gather all the supplies needed and line them up on the counter top. The pasta, the sauce, the parmesan cheese, the hamburger. Yup, seems like everything's all ready. I grab the hamburger and start submerging it into the pot to cook. Tori and Cat grab the pasta and start to boil them in another pot, each letting out soft gasps if the hot water comes close to hitting them.

We're both submerged in our tasks, me stirring the hamburger to get it cooked evenly, and them stirring the pasta likewise. Overtime I get preoccupied in my thoughts and don't even notice Tori until she's snuck up behind me, her voice tickling my ear. "What are you thinking about?"

I jump out of my skin and almost drop the spoon to the floor as I whirl around in surprise. "Jesus, Vega!" I curse, my heart giving a jolt at being surprised. "You know I hate being snuck up on!"

Her eyes twinkle with glee and she just laughs. "Well, I just wanted to let you know your hamburgers done cooking. You were so absorbed in your thoughts you didn't notice."

I glance at it and notice she's right. The hamburgers cooked all the way through and the captivating aroma is floating through the house; it makes me hungry. I start pouring the sauce and tomato paste in, stirring it delicately so that it blends in just right. A few more minutes and we can eat. And if to mirror my thoughts Cat lets out a squeal, "The spaghetti is done boiling! We can soon eat!" The other two girls put the spaghetti in the strainer to remove the water and before I know it everything's complete and ready to eat.

I look fixedly at the plates before us and my mouth waters even more. I guess I'm hungrier then I thought. I ask Cat to pass me the parmesan cheese and I douse the top of my pasta in a snowy field of it. Cat passes glasses of lemonade to each of us and we start to dig in.

"This is really good." I mumble with my mouth full, a slight smirk dancing across my face. "We really outdid ourselves."

Murmurs of agreement follow and before we know it we've finished our plates and went for seconds. I down the rest of my lemonade and rest my hands on my stomach being so full from the food. My eyes flutter sleepily and Cat pounces on me from behind. I have no clue how she got from one place to the other but I don't question it because it's Cat and she always has fast reflexes.

"No sleeping, Jadey!" She pouts and grabs my hand pulling me up from my chair.

"She's probably tired, sweetie. She didn't sleep well last night, remember?" Tori reminded her softly as she trailed over to us.

"Well it's only 6, so no sleeping yet! We can go to bed early but we _have_ to do karaoke. I really, really want to sing! Can we, can we?" She gives me puppy eyes; the reflection in her eyes seems to flit as she stares up at me.

"Karaoke sounds good." Tori said nodding eagerly. "I'm always up for singing."

Before I know it I'm dragged into the living room without a second thought and Cat's connecting her PearPod to her dock, already blasting songs as she tries to figure out what she wants to sing. She giggles and then pauses it, blinking up at both of us from her perch on the floor. "Do any of you know what you want to sing?"

"I've got a song in mind!" Tori's voice lets out a soft twitter as she stares at the dock with eager eyes. Cat smiles wide and motions her to start first. "Good 'cause I'm stumped at what to sing. You can go first Tori." She gently pushes the girl towards the dock and Tori sifts through the songs one by one.

"I know you have this song…Where is it?" Her lips are pursed in adorable pout and I can't help but smile. Her eyes shine in glee when she finds it and the music starts blasting from the speakers. She beams at us and starts dancing along to the music. My stomach drops as the familiar song starts playing and Tori's lips part to sing each lyric.

This was never the way I planned  
Not my intention  
I got so brave, drink in hand  
Lost my discretion

_You have got to be kidding me. _

It's not what, I'm used to  
Just wanna try you on  
I'm curious for you  
Caught my attention

I stare wide-eyed at her and try so hard to keep a straight face. She's just singing; this is just a song. But good God why does it have to be _this_ song? She's completely absorbed in her singing; she doesn't even notice my eyes following her every move.

I kissed a girl and I liked it  
The taste of her cherry chapstick  
I kissed a girl just to try it  
I hope my boyfriend don't mind it

_God please kill me now. Please. Strike me with lightning or something; I don't care. _

Cat's squealing and cheering loudly and I'm just sitting here trying to not to die. I'm pretty sure my lungs are about to give because oxygen just doesn't seem to be in my vocabulary today.

It felt so wrong  
It felt so right  
Don't mean I'm in love tonight  
I kissed a girl and I liked it  
I liked it

She's looking my way and she's beginning to saunter over while I'm just staring at her like a moron_. Don't you dare walk over here! No, Vega! Is this punishment for the time I locked my brother in the closet and read him a scary story from the other side of the door? Is it? I mean it was absolutely hilarious at the time, but now I'm regretting it because this is cruel, cruel punishment! _

She smirks and her hips sway to the music as she gets dangerously close to me, her thumb trailing against my cheek. The cheek that Beck ravished yesterday; the one that stings. Her touch sends shivers down my spine and it feels as if her soft touch can heal because the stinging seems to vanish. She's making me melt, and she shouldn't. I love Beck and only Beck. I can't harbor these feelings like I do.

She's flitting over to Cat now, doing the same thing she did with me, caressing her cheek and making the girl erupt in a fit of giggly squeaks. She flows over to the center of the room and continues her aria until I'm agape at the mouth when she finishes. Cat's cheering and clapping, grabbing Tori by the waist and swaying with her. Tori's face is flushed and she's out of breath so she reaches for a water bottle sitting on the coffee table and gulps it down like she hasn't had water in days. Her eyes are flickering with triumph as she plops down on the couch in-between us both.

"Did I do well?"

"Tori that was amazing! Your voice is always so pretty. You did such an awesome job on that song!" Cat squeals, her face lit up.

"Thanks, Cat! I'm glad you liked it! I had so much fun." She grins and then turns to face me. "So Jade," She asks, a brow quirked. "What did you think?"

"You're so gay, Vega."

Her face is tinkled with pink and she counters back, "Hey! I really like Katy Perry and this is one of my favorite songs of hers! I really admire her. Don't tease me."

I snort, and cross my leg over my other before muttering, "Yeah. More like you're in lesbians with her."

She opens her mouth, looks like she's gonna say something, then closes it promptly, then opens it again in an attempt to defend herself. "So you don't have anything nice to say about my performance?"

I shrug. "It was nice." And it was. It really, really was. It was amazing, so beautiful; her voice has that drowning effect but the good kind of drowning. The kind that feels soothing and weightless where you're just floating for what seems forever and everything feels right. I would rather slam my tongue in a car door then tell her that though.

She takes the somewhat-of-a-compliment with heart knowing I don't give them often. Cat bounces up and down in her seat and eagerly inquires, "Who's next? Who's next?"

And so I volunteer, and the next thing I know I'm belting out Halestorm, adrenaline pumping in my veins.

Why did I waste my time?  
Two steps I don't rewind  
Feeling I can't define  
I give back to you

Give it all away, take it all away  
Give it all away, take it all away

There's a reason I love singing. I can't describe it, but the thrill in my veins and the adrenaline it gives me are two of the reasons why I love it. Nothing beats getting your feelings out through song. Nothing fuels me more than hearing people clap and cheer for me knowing that I've got talent. Nothing beats the feeling of bliss when you're proud of the things you do. _Nothing._

I see my demise  
From behind your eyes  
I can't pass you by  
I give back to you

Give it all away, take it all away  
Give it all away, take it all away  
Give it all away, take it all away  
Give it all away, take it all away

Tori and Cat are cheering me on so hard it fuels my energy even more. I don't know how, I don't know why but I'm so full of passion and energy tonight. Every note up the scale, every growl, every tone is perfectly in tune.

Between love, between hate  
Shake the silence back 'fore it's too late  
And it haunts you, and it haunts you  
It's a love hate heartbreak

I sing my heart out and relish in this perpetual bliss as the night goes on. I don't want it to end.

~ ღ~

Eventually Cat and I somehow rope Tori into watching _The Ring_ with us. It's one of my favorite horror movies, and I know it's one of Cat's too, which surprises many but she feels sorry for Samara and the storyline intrigues her. I'm hoping I'll get some kind of scared reaction out of Tori; I'd like to consider it secret payback for earlier.

We're aligned on the couch, Tori in the middle, me on the left and Cat on the right. A bowl of popcorn resides in Tori's lap and we all are fixated on the screen, nibbling on popcorn every now and then.

"Here comes one of the best scenes…" I mumble, chewing on popcorn hungrily as we see Samara slowly slink out of the TV, crawling towards Noah who steps backward falling onto a shelf and shattering glass.

"I wish I could climb out of TVs!" Cat muses, with a little nod of her head. "They could be like portals to people's houses! I could go to your guys houses anytime I wanted and be all, 'Hi, I wanted to come by and visit, I thought going through the TV would be quicker!'. Wouldn't that be amazing?"

I snicker and glance at Tori who looks like she's just seen a ghost. Her hands are clenched against the material of the bottom of her t-shirt and her knuckles are white. I quirk a studded brow at her and ask, "You okay there, Vega?"

"Never better…"

Minutes pass by and soon were at the climax of the movie. Cat's teetering on the edge of her seat, her eyes glazed with emotion. "I feel so sorry for Samara. She just wants to be heard and loved! I bet anyone would feel the same way if their mother pushed them down a well! I know I would adopt her…"

"I'm sure you would, Cat." I snort, throwing an amused glance at the redhead.

A half-an-hour passes and the credits drip down the screen, names running down one-by-one as the movie ends. I glance at Tori; she's at white as a sheet and looks like she's seen better days. Cat must have fallen asleep at some point, her eyes are shut and she's got a peaceful expression curled up at the end of the couch.

"Hey." I whisper, touching Tori's shoulder to snap her out of her revere. She jumps and lets out a soft screech, "Don't scare me like that!"

I chuckle darkly and cluck my tongue. "Someone's tense." She purses her lips in a tight line and doesn't say anything. I motion to Cat sleeping peacefully and then glance at the clock. "It's getting late." I yawn. "It's after two. Cat must have fallen asleep a couple minutes ago so I guess that means we should probably get to bed."

Tori gets up with wobbly legs and mutters in a low voice, "How am I supposed to sleep after that…?"

I reach for the redhead and cradle her in my arms as I pick her sleepy form up off the couch. She's as light as a feather and it takes not much effort to carry her. Her expression is peaceful and I can't help but chuckle.

"She looks so peaceful. She must be dreaming about Samara being her adoptive sister or daughter or something." I snort, and slowly trail out of the living room, taking careful steps as I ascend the staircase.

"That's not something to joke about!" Tori moans as she follows me hurriedly, obviously not keen on the idea of being left behind in the dust. We walk down the hallway until we reach Cat's room, Tori waits until were both securely inside before shutting the door and locking it.

"I'm gonna have nightmares…" She murmurs glancing at Cat's TV in the corner of the room as if she expects Samara to jump out of it.

I nestle the petite girl into her bed and tuck her under the covers like a mother would. I smile and tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear and glance at Tori.

"Hey, I'm gonna go to bed too. I'll be right down the hall in the spare bedroom. You can sleep with Cat, there's enough room for two in her double bed."

Her face blanches even more if that's possible and she hurriedly shakes her head. "N-no…" She croaks and grips my hand tightly. "Please, sleep with me.

"There's not enough room in her bed." I glance at the bed with pursed lips. "If it was a queen or a king size bed I'd say yes but hers is a double bed. We won't all fit."

"Please, Jade…" Her eyes are fearful and she clutches onto my hand for dear life. "I want to sleep with you; I don't want to be alone."

I roll my eyes and gently touch her shoulder. "Cat's with you. You'll be fine."

"But Cat's not awake right now and you are. Please, Jade…I can't fall asleep alone. Can't we all sleep together?"

I sigh and give in, pulling the covers down to let Tori emerge herself in them. Once she's situated I climb in, my body is right at the edge of the bed and we are a tight snug but I bare it because of her.

She's trembling and she automatically nestles into my shoulder, her fingers clenching against the fabric of my shirt. "Thank you…" She whispers hoarsely.

"That movie really affected you, huh Vega?" I murmur softly, glancing into her brown orbs. She nods and lets out a shaky breath and nestles into me closer. I swear I can almost hear her heart beating and the pulse of her blood pumping through her veins. The smell of vanilla overpowers me again and I've got to control myself from breathing in any more of its sweet scent.

"It'll be fine. I'm here…And believe it or not, Vega, I wouldn't let anything hurt you. So go to sleep." Her eyes glaze over and a tiny weak smile uncovers on her lips. She lets out another shaky breath, and her breathing gets calmer. She squeezes my hand before letting her eyes flutter shut as she falls into a deep sleep. I watch her body rise and fall as she slips into dreamland. I glance at Cat and she's still got a smile on her face as she continues to dream.

I let out a soft sigh as I feel that stirring in my stomach, that guilty gut-wrenching feeling that I get whenever I think about Tori in a romantic way. I always feel like a horrible girlfriend, that I'm betraying Beck for harboring these feelings. I want to push them away for good. I love Beck and he loves me. We're just having rough patches. We're need and complete each other. I feel shame rush through me as I watch Tori sleep. I want to hold her in my arms and kiss her on the forehead softly. Could I do that? It doesn't mean I'm cheating on Beck, right? It's just something friendly to comfort her despite the fact that she's sleeping. I weight the options and go with my gut. I gently smooth her hair and plant a soft kiss against her forehead, breathing in her sweet scent before I pull away. I bite my lip and sigh gruffly, turning over so that I'm no longer facing Tori. My eyes slowly shut, Tori dancing across my dark vision, and images of Beck coming into view. Beck and Tori, the two I harbor feelings for, those of Beck, I remind myself, are love. I don't love Tori. Beck and Tori, the two that are tearing my life apart seam by seam.


	5. Chapter 3: Forever never ever works out

Author's Note:

Hi lovelies~! This is it a bit of a shorter chapter! Fluffy and cute though. ;u; I'm not as happy with the outcome; I was hoping this chapter would turn out a bit different. I got sick of writing it so it doesn't have as much detail as I would have hoped.

Also, I know Windowpane might appear to be going fast but originally this was only supposed to 10 chapters or so. Obviously, it's going to be a bit more than that, but nonetheless it's still fast-paced. I don't want to rush things, but I don't want to fill this story with lots of fillers either, you know? I just hope it feels as if it's going at a gradual yet fast pace.

Also, here's my tumblr for anyone who's interested~3 I post the chapters on there and I also sometimes give previews: blog/stardustfaith

Here's my Twitter also: /Aviditty

Much love~

~Aviditty

Chapter 3

Forever never ever works out

Sunlight filters through the soft petal-colored curtains as morning rises to greet us. I'm the first awake, having slept like a baby during the night nestled into the comforting warmth of my two best friends. I let my long eyelashes flutter open slowly and I'm greeted with Tori nestled into my shoulder, her body rising and falling with each soft breath she gives. She looks peaceful, her soft lips are curved into a tiny smile, her hand clenching onto my long t-shirt like an infant to a mother's thumb.

I feel a rush of affection stir from within me and I instinctively reach out and brush a strand of hair out of her face that fell on her face during the night. I recoil when a buzzing vibration sounds from the bedside table. It's my phone beaming brightly as it was a wakeup call. I reach for the black ebony device and glance at the text I received. It was from Beck.

_Hey, babe. Hope you slept well. Andre, Robbie, and I will be around Cat's place at 2ish for the party. See you then!_

I feel iniquity tear through my gut like a knife. I hadn't even thought of Beck once last night. I was too absorbed in everything else for him to enter my thoughts and it makes me feel horrible. I caress my temples with my thumb and clumsily text back.

_I've missed you. Love you and see you then. _

I let out a shaky sigh and practically jump out of my skin when I see brown eyes staring up at me out of the corner of my eye. A laugh escapes Tori's mouth as she notices my shocked expression.

"Sorry." She giggles, rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands as she tries to fully wake up. "I heard your phone vibrate and it woke me up. Who texted you?"

"It was Beck."

She smiles and stares up at me with shimmery eyes. "Aww. I bet he misses his awesome girlfriend, huh?"

"Yeah." I mumble, sitting up and supporting my back against the row of pillows dotting Cat's bed. _Her compliments kill me… _

A soft stirring causes both of us to shift our glances to the redhead near the wall. She scrunches her eyes and yawns softly, eyes fluttering open to take us both in. A sweet smile shines as she murmurs, "Good morning!"

I chuckle and flex my shoulders trying to get the stiffness out. "Morning, Cat." I say softly, while adding a "Happy birthday" which Tori and I happen to say simultaneously.

Cat sits up with a giggle and tries to mesh us all together in a group hug. "I love you both so much! This is going to be the best birthday ever!"

"Well to start off this best birthday ever, how 'bout we bake you some birthday cupcakes for breakfast?" Tori suggests after the bear hug has finished. She untangles herself from the sheets and crawls past me so she can get off the bed. She stretches and runs a hand through her hair as she glances at the clock on the wall directly in front of us.

"Although it's not really breakfast anymore. More like early lunch!"

A light bulb goes off in Cat's head and she stares up at us like a kid at Christmas. "I have a realllllly good idea!"

"And what's that?" I ask with an amused chuckle as I untangle myself from the covers and pull myself and the redhead out of bed as well.

"Can we make both cupcakes and cake? Cupcakes for breakfast and cake for the party!"

"Isn't that a little much…?" I can't help but smirk at the idea. It's so Cat.

She shakes her head hurriedly and bounces up and down with glee. "Oh gosh, can we do it? Can you drive us to the store to buy the other cake mix? I already have red velvet for the cupcakes, but can we do confetti cake for the actual cake?"

"Anything for you." Tori gives her a sweet smile and wraps an arm around her shoulder. "It's your birthday. Jade will drive us to get the cake supplies. Won't you?" She glances at me, giving one of those sweet, shiny lip-glossed pouts, which I can't deny no matter how much I try.

"Alright. But you guys better get dressed real quick. We only have 3 hours until they show up. We got to make everything before the party! Plus we got to decorate."

Squeals bounce off the walls, echoing out into the hall as Cat pulls us both into a soft hug. In a matter of seconds the hug is broken and an eager Cat pushes us both into the hallway and then slams the door shut.

"I think she's getting dressed." I snort, eyes running along the wooden frame. "Guess that's our cue to get dressed, too."

I give Tori a nod and descend the stairs, calling up after her. "My bag's downstairs so I'll just get dressed down there!"

Soft barefoot steps descend the carpeted staircase and I quicken my pace to the living room. My bag is thrown to the ground just where I had left it last night and I rummage through it finding a new outfit to put on. Ebony colored skinny jeans, and a soft mauve long-sleeve shirt which is one of Beck's favorites of mine. _It's also one of Tori's. _I push the thought away and strip out of my clothes from yesterday. We hadn't really gotten a chance to throw on pajamas or shorts and a t-shirt last night, not that I would have been able to anyways.

A chill rips through me as air meets bare skin. After putting up with a blistering heat under the covers last night it feels great to feel a cool draft, even if only a little. I sigh and run a hand down my one arm, the one that's covered in bruises the most. Sometimes I can pretend they're not even there. Sometimes I can pretend that they never existed, that I'm not hurting under the skin.

Purple, yellow, blue and black. It's almost fascinating how the body can heal itself; the things it does to tell you 'Hey, I'm getting better'. They start out raw, almost red, and then progress to a blue, sometimes purple. As they get better they turn green or yellow, then to brown, and then to nothing. Then they're gone and you've got nothing to prove how much you've been hurting. No one would believe you if you said, 'Hey. I was bruised really badly here but look! Now it's all healed.' Some would believe that you made it up in the first place.

I shimmy into my jeans, wincing as a bruise near my knee scrapes against the denim. The pain is brief and it slowly ebbs away. I pull my shirt over my head and quickly jam my arms into the sleeves, letting it fall down over my torso. I hear a soft gait trail my way and I whirl around, face slightly pale as I'm greeting with Tori. Panic fills my thoughts. Did she see anything?

She has a smile on her face and shows no signs of noticing anything so I sigh almost in relief. My back was the only thing towards her when she walked into the living room, and I only have one bruise on my upper back from Beck punching me two weeks ago. It's almost healed and it was hidden beneath my hair so I feel a wave of relief wash through me when I realize she couldn't have possibly seen anything.

I turn and scoff at her, "You know Vega you got to stop sneaking up on people. Not a lot of people like being snuck up on when they're changing."

She opens her mouth to make a retort but it's cut short when a blur of red excitedly swarms over. Cat's eyes are shining and she's dressed, purse in tow, ready to go. "Let's go get the supplies, quick! I want to have everything made before the party starts!" She giggles and ushers us out at the door. She's lucky I'm quick and managed to grab my car keys, and wallet, as well as Cat's house key, before the door was shut and locked. We get into my car, Tori in the passenger side and Cat in the back bouncing like a child. I put the keys into the ignition and back us out of her driveway and down her street my destination the nearest supermarket.

Chatter ensues as we drive along, mostly Cat and Tori as I'm focused on driving. It's fun to listen to their rambles and even though I don't admit it much I like spending time with them. I'm never bored when with them.

We reach the supermarket and Cat grabs a basket skipping down each and every aisle until we find the cake supplies and decorations. Tori points out the confetti cake mix. Cat grins and grabs the box from Tori and tucks in neatly inside the basket. She muses over the icings, and settles on doing eenie meenie minny mo to decide. When not satisfied with the choice, she decides to do best out of three. I roll my eyes and grab the first box I see. It's a white whippy kind of icing.

"Cat we don't have all day." I cluck my tongue and grab her wrist, walking along the aisle until we're almost at the checkout line before she yanks out of my hands and rushes back to the same aisle. Tori and I give each other a curious glance as she returns. She grins and shows the items she has hidden behind her back: striped candles and rainbow sprinkles. Of course.

She stares at everything in the basket fondly. She sways as we checkout, putting each and every item on the counter softly as if doing it roughly would break it. The cashier smiles at us politely and starts scanning all the items. She tips her chin at us and gazes at us over her glasses, her eyes twinkling as she says with a small Southern drawl, "Gosh ain't this sweet? Y'all look like a cute little family."

I stare at her like she was talking in some foreign language. She scans the rest of the items and starts bagging them while clarifying her statement. "Well, what I meant was you two girls look like a cute couple and the redhead is your child."

The statement sinks in and all three of us react differently. Cat giggles and latches onto my arm. "That's such a cute thought!" She squeaks to the cashier. "But it's not true. But it's still cute!" Tori's face is beet red; she clears her throat and laughs to break the tension as she recovers. I grit my teeth, feeling like I've been punched in the stomach. I shake my head and grab the bags, gruffly nodding a curt thanks before storming away with the other two in tow.

"I don't know what families look like in Alabama or Tennessee, or whatever state's she's from but we look far off from a normal family. Vega and I aren't dating! Beck's my boyfriend!" I mutter through clenched teeth as the two quicken their pace to keep up with me. I don't know why but I'm angry. I'm angry because what she said hit hard and I knew deep down that I almost wish it were true. Almost.

Tori frowns and touches my shoulder. "Hey, she probably was just kidding. It was sweet of her to say. I don't think she meant it in a bad way." I shrug Tori's hand off my shoulder and walk faster, sighing and unlocking my door from a distance. We all get in and the silence cuts through the air. I start the car and pull out of the parking lot without a second thought, my mind rushing with the words she said. _Couple_.

Cat is the first to break the silence. She leans forward and pokes her head in-between the seats. "Jade. I want everyone to be happy at this party. No grumpy faces, kay?" She murmurs.

I sigh knowing she's right. I've got to stop moping. This is her birthday and I don't want to ruin it. I nod and glance at her through the rear-view mirror. I put on a slight smile and swallow my pride. I drum my fingers along the steering-wheel as we drive along the back roads to her house.

"So, you excited to eat some cake and blow out the candles?"

That ignites a fire of glee and soon the windows are down and the music is blasting. We scream out songs not caring who hears as we drive back to Cat's house.

~ ღ ~

The party is alive with laugher, chatter, and excitement. I had to admit it was one of the best birthday parties I've ever been to. Not that I've been to many; I hate most social gatherings.

The entire kitchen is draped in decorations, streamers and balloons all placed accordingly. The birthday cupcakes from this morning sit along the countertop, and pints of ice cream sit waiting to be devoured. Cat's parents managed to make it back in time, without her brother as he still has to stay overnight. They're telling the entire group about horribly hilarious stories about their son. I'm nestled into Beck's shoulder, his arm wrapped around me as they tell us about something that happened last night.

"So, we were sleeping in chairs by the hospital bed, you know, like good parents do, and then all of a sudden we heard the sound of water. Almost like a toilet was overflowing. It sounded like a flash flood." Cat's father gives a dramatic pause glancing around at all the faces before continuing. "Well, I woke my wife up and I said 'Hey, did you hear that?' and of course she _didn't._ So I got up out of bed and walked over towards the bathroom. I flicked on the light, and there was our son in all his glory; foot stuck in the toilet and he was trying to plunge himself out! I never laughed so hard in my life. I called my wife over to see and I'm pretty sure we woke up the entire hospital wing with our cackling and wheezing!"

I'm nearly reduced to tears as I laugh so hard into Beck's shoulder. Laughter shakes the walls from us all and it takes a moment for me to calm down.

"So wait – that really happened?" Robbie's asks, pretty much rolling on the floor as they continue to explain the rest of the story. After a few more moments the laughter dies down and it's reduced to small giggles and chuckles.

"Best story I've ever heard." Andre muses, leaning back with his hands behind his head. "Even better than most of the ones with my grandma after she lost her mind."

Beck kisses my cheek and pulls my closer. His cologne overwhelms my nose and I breathe in the scent as if it's the smell of fresh baked cookies wafting from the oven. I relish in this. These moments are the reasons why I can't ever leave him. The good moments outshine the bad. My eyes almost flutter shut but open quickly as Cat's voice sounds through the room.

"I want to open up my gifts now! Then we can eat cake!"

We all gather into the dining room table where all the bags and presents dot the shiny surface. Cat insisted on everyone buying her presents as opposed to giving money or gift cards like some people tend to do. She said next year was fine for all that, but you only turn 18 once so presents it was.

She glances around at everyone then at the presents, shiny eyes scanning all the colorful packaging and bags. Polka dots, stripes, and various colors make up the packaging of everything. Like a child at Christmas she takes no time at all to begin tearing into the first present. It was Robbie's. His face is flushed pink, and he nervously runs a hand through his locks as she tore open the contents. Her eyes lit up as she noticed the black velvety box beneath the wrapping paper. Curious fingers trace the small box before opening it and glossy eyes light up in glee. Inside was a heart locket. Not just any heart however. It was an open heart.

After Robbie managed to calm his nerves he shyly smiled and shrugged like it was nothing. It was something Beck often did and I wondered if he was rubbing off on Robbie. "It's an open-heart because your heart is always open. You're always there for people, and you're so loving and accepting so…" His face got brighter with each word. Cat put on the necklace and ran over to him squeezing him in a bear hug and kissing his cheek.

"Thank you so much, Robbie! I love it so so much! I'll wear it every day!"

I swear Robbie's face could _not_ get redder. We all knew he had such a crush on Cat but she was too naïve to notice it. I snickered and Beck leaned in close to my ear, his breath tickling my skin, "I gave him the idea for the necklace. He was stumped for days on what to get her!"

One by one Cat opened each and every present: she got a gift card to the Sky Store from her parents, despite insisting she wanted all presents this year, a microphone that can do cool effects to your voice for singing from Andre, a cute pair of high heels from the good 'ol fashionista Trina, and Tori got her a novel, and a cute bracelet with her name on it.

The last present she opened was the one Beck and I purchased together for her. We put our brains together and split the cost to get her a gift as I'm hopeless when it comes to thinking of gifts. She removed the tissue paper from the bag slowly savoring the moment. She removed our gift and stared at it in wonder.

"You bought me a camera?" Her lips curved into a smile as she stroked the box with her fingertips.

"Yeah." Beck grinned and pulled me closer. "We know how you like to record videos and take pictures, and Jade told me your brother dropped your old camera in the toilet so…"

That was enough for Cat. Squeaks tore from her mouth and she barreled into our arms. "Thank you! Thank you so much! I can't wait to use it!"

"You're welcome." I murmured, my mouth curving up in a smile. Beck nodded his welcome and Cat trailed back to the table to put the camera with all the other gifts.

Cat's parents came over with the cake when their daughter was finished with all her thank yous. They placed the cake on the table in front of her. 18 candles dotted the creamy whipped icing. Sprinkles overlaid the snowy white cake and confetti dotted the cake beneath. Her dad slowly lit each candle and we all waited with bated breath to begin singing Happy Birthday. Once the cue was given we all broke out into a harmonious rendition of Happy Birthday. It could be because most of enjoyed singing and are into artsy things of the like, but everything sounded on-key. Not too bad if I do say so myself.

She pauses and shuts her eyes after we're done singing; must be making her wish, and then she takes in a deep breath of air and blows out. All the candles go out without a second thought and the room erupts into cheers and clapping.

Soon the cake is cut and slices are being passed out. Chatter and laughter ensues and I find myself nestling into Beck's arms, for once feeling safe in them. He kisses me on the lips softly and grabs one of the cake slices. He takes a fork and cuts me a piece, grinning and says, "Open wide." I smirk and take the bite, the soft warm confetti cake a sweet disaster inside my mouth. I lick my lips and he feeds me another bite. My heart throbs at the action and I can't help but feel as if my bruises are just a thing of the past. Like they melted away as if it's something they alwaysdo which is partially true as they heal.

The rest of the night goes amazingly. It feels like a perpetual bliss. I feel as if the past few days have never happened. I guess you could say I'm in the _now_. Savoring each moment and not thinking back on the past or looking ahead to the future. If you stay in the now you can't get as hurt or anxious as one normally would. After all, if you look back into the past your mistakes eat away at you; you regret and feel guilty over things. But if you look ahead to the future your anxiety in turn can take over you. You start getting paranoid at what _might_ happen instead of what's happening now. After all forever never ever works out, right?


	6. Chapter 4: Where we Started

Authors note:

Gosh, sorry for the delayed update guys~~! Life's been keeping me busy! I was going to try and make for two chapters this week as I'm heading out to CA tomorrow. ~sosqueakyexcitedyouhavenoide a~ But that didn't happen! X3 Haha~ I'm not really happy with how this chapter turned out; the things in my mind would not flow on paper the way I wanted. I just hope I'm not relapsing back into an writers block. ;_; One can hope not!

Cookies for you if you know what play Jade is writing about! ;D I didn't give much detail on purpose! It is a real play, though, and a really good one~! Our school did a production of it!

Oh gosh and If you think this chapter is bad wait till you get to the next chapter! It's even worse! ; ~; Poor babyJade… Things will look up for her eventually; I promise!

As always, thank you so much for the immense support. It means so much to me~! ~hugs and kisses~

~Aviditty

Chapter 4

Where we Started

"Okay so…" I laugh and steal a French fry from Andre while musing over my laptop screen. "What exactly is this play about again?"

Andre, Tori, and I are perched at Karaoke Dokie on this fine Thursday night. It's late but the place is still lively. Karaoke Dokie is a place where students often bustle in and out of during school nights. It's a frequent high-schoolers infested place where people come to eat, hang out, and sing. The manager has the place open until midnight so it gets a lot of bustle.

A smirk turns on the corner of Andre's mouth and he just rolls his eyes. "Seriously, Jade?" He teases, pulling his French fries away before I can sneak another one. "It's bad enough we're helping you, let alone telling you. I know you don't have enough time to read the play but the least you can do is look up a synopsis."

I roll my eyes and cluck my tongue, turning my gaze back to my laptop screen. My hands gracefully click and search until I find a lengthy synopsis. I read through a couple of paragraphs before reaching over the table and stealing one of Tori's wings. She opens her mouth in mock surprise and swats my hand away, "Hey! Get your own food!"

"What can I say? I'm hungry." I snort. "I didn't bring any money so I couldn't stuff my face instead of working on my paper."

Tori laughs, light and airy like bells, "Now whose fault's that? The paper is only two pages front and back; I'm sure you can manage that. I'll buy you food when you finish it, deal?"

"I am so down with that." My stomach grumbles in agreement and our table erupts in snickers and snorts. "So…Was this supposed to be a summary?"

"Somebody _really_ wasn't paying attention when our teacher handed out the assignment, huh?" Andre teases after taking a bite of one of his buffalo nuggets.

"First off we don't have class the same period so you wouldn't know if I was or wasn't paying attention. Robbie's the only one in my class out of our group. And secondly, I wasn't even there the day it was assigned. I was sick." I counter back, a smirk curving across my face.

"My bad." He laughs. "It's just an essay based of the motifs and symbolism behind the storyline."

"Like how the girl's dress is blue so therefore that means she must be depressed or carefree. You know, the stuff I _swear_ he makes up just to hear himself talk." Tori chimes in.

I chuckle and take a sip of the water the waitress brought for me earlier. I scrunch my brows up in thought and try to sort out all the meanings I could find behind the story. This needs to be a good essay; a really, really good one. I'm far behind in a couple of my classes because of skipping school. I need to step up the game and make-up everything that I can.

"What about…" I muse on the thought, cradling my chin in my hand. "Something about her being blind? In a sense it can be symbolic. She's blind but really strong-willed and defiant. But…it's like a mask."

I glance up at the both of them listening intently. I started typing away; graceful fingers tapping the keys as I process my thoughts. "She lives in her own little world to protect herself. She believes that when the two of them hold hands they're invisible; no one can seem them and they're safe."

They both nod in agreement and so I start typing out a paragraph dedicated to that. The words and ideas seem to flow and before I know it I've conjured up more themes related to the play: technology bringing people together, love that never fades; corny junk like that. Before I know it an hour has passed and I finished my rough draft. I smirk in satisfaction at my work and shove my laptop towards Tori.

"Take a look, tell me what you think. I need you to both proofread this."

She rolls her eyes and says teasingly. "What's the magic word?"

"Please read my dumb paper."

"Thank you." She chuckles satisfied and her eyes trail along my paper. Her mouth curves into an 'o' as if something's on the tip of her tongue while she reads. Andre reads over her shoulder; his brow furrowed and focused as if the words on my paper might come alive. After Tori's done reading she gives me a huge grin and pats me on the shoulder.

"Good job!" She praises me, eyes lighting up in admiration. "It's amazing! You'll get a good grade on it for sure. Now, about your reward…what do you want? You can pick anything on the menu."

_Anything_. I quirk a brow, a devious smile touching my features. I run my thumb along the menu as I stare at all the choices. _I'm so hungry._ I lick my lips before settling on the perfect choice. A push the menu towards Tori and run my thumb along my meal of choice. "I want a steak with potato skins as my side."

"You would pick one of the most expensive things on the menu." She rolls her eyes.

I chuckle and lean back in my chair. "Yeah, that and I'm really hungry. You said _anything_. Are you going back on your word, Vega?" I ask, lips pursed in a sneer.

Andre nods in agreement and elbows Tori in the ribs. "You did say anything. And she worked really hard on her paper. I think she deserves it, don't you?" Tori doesn't say anything but when I bat my eyelashes at her she just melts like lava.

"Fine." She searches around and finds our waitress waiting on another table. She waits until she's finished before motioning for her to come over. The waitress tilts her head, asking, "Is there anything you need?"

Tori points to me and gives the waitress a small smile. "My friend here would like a steak meal, medium well, with potato skins as the side." The waitress scribbles everything down on her notepad and nods before almost exiting. Tori stops her just in time to remind her, "It's on me; I'm paying so put it on my tab."

She exits and were left alone again. Relief washes over me when I realize that my essay is done. Sure, it needs to be edited for grammatical errors and printed out but still, it's done. With that thought in mind I persuade the two to look at my paper again. Tori and Andre proofread once more and then I run over it a couple times until I'm sick and tired of reading it. It's done. I'm sick of looking at it.

I push my laptop away and rest my chin in my hands as I feel an overwhelming sense of satisfaction rush over me. Maybe, just maybe, I have a chance to actually pass this class.

Tori quirks a brow at my relaxed posture and clucks her tongue. "Not so fast, Jade. You're not done yet. You have math to do, remember?"

I groan and throw my head back. You're kidding me, right? Ugh, I hate math. So. Much. I roll my eyes so hard they feel like they'd break. I pull out a math book nestled deep within my bag. And sure enough sticking out of the pages is a paper neatly bookmarking where the problems were. There are only 10 but its still agony.

I scowl and open up to the page. Tori stares at me with a satisfied grin and I shoo her with my hand. "Shut up and go sing or something. You're distracting me."

She glances over at the karaoke stage and notices the previous participants were done. "You know what I think I will!" The songbird in her shines in glee and she gets up quickly to request her song by the MC.

I chuckle and return my attention to my work. I rest my cheek in my hand, pretty sure I'll have an imprint after being in the position after solving so many droning math problems. "She better not sing a Katy Perry song." I mutter absentmindly. Andre chuckles and continues to munch at his meal while glancing up now and then to check on Tori as she's getting ready to sing. "Knowing her it's gonna be just that."

And sure enough Tori breaks out into E. Katy Perry a couple seconds later. The brunette graces the stage with her aria and soon everybody is cheering and clapping loudly. I'm staring like a deer-in-the-headlights as she sings her heart out. Andre notices this and chuckles, poking my shoulder teasingly. "Don't you have math problems to do?"

"Eh, I'll get to them later. I want to watch and see if Vega screws up or makes a fool of herself or something." I mumble trying to cover up my vacant staring. My eyes follow her every move and soon I find myself hollering with the rest of them. Well there goes my façade. I guess Jade can be nice for a little bit. What's it gonna hurt?

Applause breaks out and I have never seen Tori smile wider. Her eyes are alit like a flame and she takes a small bow before stepping off the stage. The MC chuckles as the crowd's cheering dissipates to nothing. "That was Tori Vega! Amazing performance, Tori; you really killed it." After everything has wind down, chatter resumes and my dinner has arrived. I stare at the steak and potato skins as my stomach jumps in excitement. _Finally! Food! _

I tear at my steak with my knife, cutting off a piece and biting into its juicy center. The aroma wafts in my nose and the deliciousness cuts at my core. I never realized just how hungry I was until I actually started eating food. Tori just laughs. "Don't I get a thank you? I was the one who bought you your meal." She teases as I start munching on one of my potato skins.

"Yeah. Whatever." She gazes at me, her tender brown eyes piercing right through my soul so I have no choice but to give in. "Thanks. Your performance was actually half decent, Vega. I was impressed." I mumble while chewing more of my meal.

I swallow and take a sip of my drink, deciding it would be best to finish the rest of my math problems now. My mind focuses on the task at hand as Andre and Tori begin chatting amongst themselves. Every now and then a shape blurs against my peripheral vision but I keep my attention at bay. Eventually I'm pulled out of my revere by a low clearing of the throat. I narrow my eyes ready to tell whoever it is to shut up when I'm staring eye-to-eye with Beck. He's leaning back against the wall and his expression is anything but happy. Animosity clouds his eyes as he walks over towards our table.

"Hey guys." His voice is cool, calm, as he runs a hand through his hair. Tori and Andre look up, grins breaking onto their faces as they notice his presence. Tori pats the chair beside her and invites him to sit but Beck just shakes his head curtly.

He jabs his thumb in my direction and mutters, "Hey, listen, something came up I need to take Jade home."

Acid churns in my stomach and I stare at my plate, appetite vanishing before my very sight. _Great. Just Great. _I purse my lips and stare up at him with venom in my eyes. He knows I'm upset but does nothing to show that he cares. Andre is the first to speak. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine. C'mon Jade," He stares me in the eyes for once. "Let's go home."

Are you guys' blind? Can't you tell that he's lying?

I pull on my leather jacket and put my laptop away before throwing its bag over my shoulder. I give anything for one of them to say something; to make him stop, to make him stay so I don't have to go. I give them a nod of thanks before starting to walk with Beck towards the doors. Tori calls after me, "Wait! Jade you didn't finish your dinner! Don't you want a container to take it home?"

I shake my head and wave my hand as we disappear through the glass doors. There's no way I could finish my dinner with my stomach in knots like this. I feel sick, stupid, and angry at myself for believing that this calm would last. We're washed in darkness as we step outside. Beck says nothing as we walk to his car, and even more silence fills the gap between us as he drives me home. When we drive straight pass my house anxiety gets the best of me.

"Where are we going?" I mutter my voice hoarse after silence for so long.

"My RV."

That's not home. That's anything but home. Heck, my own house isn't home anymore. Home is…

I shake my head angrily as Beck pulls into his driveway. He stops the car and sits still for a moment before getting out and unlocking his RV. I follow him inside knowing that a tornado's about to form. I brace myself building the walls back up when he turns and looks at me. We stare at each other for a while, indignation settling in both of our irises. Beck is the first to speak.

"So….am I not good enough for you anymore?"

Venom laces his words and his eyes are furrowed to slits. I cross my arms over my chest and purse my lips into a tight line.

"You know that's not true! I just wanted to hang out with-"

"_Them_. I know, I know!" He murmurs dangerously low emphasizing 'them'. "You know what I think, Jade? You hang out with them way too much. I'm supposed to be your first priority!"

The words are a blow to the stomach. "I'm your boyfriend!" He snarls, grabbing me by the shoulder and pulling me within his grasp. So much anger and hate linger in the room; I feel like I'm suffocating. He was watching us for a while. He has to have been. So much anger, so much pent up frustration is now alive within him. He had to have seen how happy I was with them and it made him jealous.

"Why didn't you ask me to hang out with you?" He snaps digging his fingers into my shoulder blade. "You knew I had nothing better to do!"

"I had to work on homework!" I hiss trying to yank out of his grasp. "Tori and Andre offered to help. If we hung out you know I wouldn't have gotten anything done! We would have kept getting distracted on the computer or watching TV or something!" It's true. I wouldn't have finished my essay as well as I had if it weren't for Andre and Tori. That and Tori's promise of food.

He shoves me against the wall and the force of the impact causes my head to spin. I can't even focus on anything in front of me before he cuffs me on the shoulder bringing me onto the floor. "I'm so sick and tired of playing games with you, Jade!" He hisses low and menacing.

I can't even think of anything to say to defend myself. My voice has dissolved just like sugar in water. God I can't take this. I'm sick of these petty little fights. These stupid arguments that blow up into volcanoes of rage.

He grabs me by the wrist and strikes me across the face. Red searing hot pain flashes across the skin but I don't have time to counter before he throws a punch at my back as I try and twist around to avoid his rage. I hiss out and brace myself for more of it to come. He grabs my shoulders, whipping me around to face him. "Look at me when I'm talking to you!" His screams and red rage fill my eyes and ears.

I want this agony to end. I want to just disappear. But the voices in my head keep telling me I deserve this. I'm horrible, petty, selfish….I don't deserve Beck. I don't deserve anyone.

"Tell me that you're sorry!" He screams, shoving me up against the wall once more. He grabs my chin harshly and makes me look him in the eyes. His grip makes indents appear on my soft flesh; small little marks that would fade in minutes but that still doesn't make them any less real. "Answer me!" His voice carries so much I'm surprised his parents can't hear him from their house but even if they did they probably wouldn't do anything. They'd probably think we were working on a scene for class or something.

He shakes me roughly and strikes me over and over again; sometimes he gets my face, other times it's my shoulders or my arms. Bile slithers up my throat and my vision blurs. So much pain tears through me and I grit my teeth to keep from screaming.

I can't think of anything to say to defend myself and maybe it's because I'm not worth defending. No one comes to my aid when I need it; not even myself anymore. I can't say sorry, either. It's so hard for me to apologize when I'm in the wrong and in this instance I don't think I have the right to apologize. I didn't do anything! I swallow hard and a soft tear escapes from my dark eyes. It kisses my cheek and then falls down as if it regrets ever leaving my eye. Soft sobs rack my body and I'm dissolved into a shaking mess. Soon the punches soften and Beck stops completely. His arms encircle me and pull me close even when I try to escape. Hiccups tear from my throat and I'm so tense in his arms. He soothingly rubs my back and murmurs soft "Shhh's…" God, how can he do this? How can he be a tornado that dissolves into a soft rain on command? _How?_

"I'm sorry." He murmurs. I've heard the same apologetic tone uttered from him so much it makes me sick. It's too familiar; too paramount.

"I…" He swallows harshly as he runs his fingers through my hair. "I just love you so much….It's like the first time we started going out; I could barely breathe when I was with you and every time we're together now I find my breath escapes me once again. That's how much I love you…"

I want to believe him. I want to believe him with my entire soul but a flicker of doubt tarnishes my heart. I feel like I'm about to be sick. That warm and inviting dinner completely vanishes from my mind; it seems like Karaoke Dokie was just a figment of my imagination. It seems too unreal that about an hour ago I was happy. Well, as happy as I can be anyways.

Beck continues to drone on, rocking me back and forth in his arms like a child. Hearing his own voice seems to soothe him but I want nothing more than to deafen my ears so that I can't hear the lies. After all, he didn't mean to do what he did. It just _happened_. It was an accident.

"I didn't mean to lash out like that, Jade…" He sighs as he picks me up and carries me over to his bed. We sit there in pregnant silence as he continues to rock me. "You just…"

_I'm not perfect. I need to get my act together. I need to straighten up. I need to be better girlfriend. I know. I know…_

He shifts his position and sighs once more. "It's get late…It's after midnight. We should probably get to bed. We have school in the morning."

He pulls the covers down off his bed and nestles me into the soft sheets before climbing over and laying beside me. He pulls the covers over our bodies and intertwines his hands with mine. "I love you." He murmurs giving my hand a small squeeze of reassurance. I don't feel reassured even with the gesture. He leans over and presses a soft kiss to my temple and stares me deeply in the eyes waiting for me to say that I love him too.

"I love you too." My voice cracks. It feels so foreign after sitting in silence for awhile. I'm mute in every meaning of the word right now. I don't have the voice to stand up for myself after realizing it gets me nowhere. I've tried in the past but they've always ended up in vain.

"Get some sleep, baby…"

My heart is still hammering against my ribcage even as Beck drifts off to sleep. His body rises and falls with each breath and I still feel that sickening feeling tear through my stomach. I don't feel safe not even with him asleep next to me. Thoughts flood through my mind as if a dam in my brain has cracked and let all these thoughts seep through. My chest tightens and I feel like I'm going to have an anxiety attack. I can't take this, I can't…I can't.

Terrifying thoughts flood my brain that I would have never thought about a year ago. I shift my position and turn so that I'm facing opposite of him. I can't bear to look at him. If I do I know I'll change my mind in an instant. My body aches and hurts so bad and with these things in mind I try and will myself to shut down. I need to or I'll never be able to have the ambition to do what I'm about to do tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 5: Denial

Authors note:

I apologize tremendously for the month-late update. ;o; Life's been hectic and my emotions have been all over the place so I didn't really have the heart to write much.

I hope this update was worth the long winded wait! It certainly is the longest chapter (I believe) to date. C:

More douchebag!Beck. If you didn't hate him you most certainly do now. And Jadeeee. Goodness, you'll probably want to hit her for what she did but she's all confused and hurt and you know how that goes! ;; Poor babu. My heart goes out to Tori so much!

If you thought the last chapter was bad with the cliffhanger you'll want to kill me for this one. I do it out of love guys~! 8D

As always thank you for every single reviews~ 3 My heart flutters whenever I get one.

~Aviditty

Chapter 5

Denial

The smell of freshly cooked breakfast and savory coffee wafts in my nose as I wake. A pounding headache slices through my skull as I gain consciousness. I blink my eyes and fight back the bile that sweeps through my throat as the memories of yesterday come flooding back. The sunlight flickering through the windows feels like it's enough to blind me so I shift position to save my eyes from the sight. I open my mouth in a stifled yawn and the aroma of food and coffee engulfs my taste buds.

_Wait. What. Food?_

And then it hits me. Beck's making me breakfast. He's acting like nothing ever happened.

Nausea overcomes me, partially from my headache and partially because everything that went on last night hits me once more. Beck has a knack for turning coat overnight; he can act like nothing ever happened. He can just forget things, push them aside and act like everything's fine even when it's not. It's like he can completely obliterate it from his memory and in doing so it makes everything okay. It never happened. It never existed. It wasn't real.

It makes me sick.

He's whistling a tune, a small chuckle escapes his lips and he butters what I assume is toast. I shift my position once again, this time aiming for a better view as if being prepared was going to make this easier on me. He notices and gives me a lopsided grin.

"Good morning, beautiful." He walks over and plants a kiss on my lips before ushering me out of bed. I have to hold onto him because the room starts to spin when he pulls me up. God I feel so sick… Once I'm steady I let go of his arm and slowly walk over to the small kitchenette. He strokes my arm and gives a beaming smile as if he thinks he should be given an award. "I made us breakfast."

Eggs, bacon, toast and a freshly brewed pot of coffee dot the countertop but my stomach can't seem to quell off the sickening feel. I stare at everything with pursed lips until Beck raises a brow.

"Migraine." I grunt stiffly as I pour myself a cup of coffee. He retreats to a small drawer near the other side of the room and hands me two pills.

I nod my thanks and throw my head back as I plop them in and wash them down with coffee. I set my cup down on the counter top and reach for a piece of toast figuring it's not best to take medicine on an empty stomach. I retreat towards the other side of the room and nibble at the corners of my toast before Beck starts probing me with questions.

"You're awfully quiet…" His lips twitch into a slight frown as he supports his back against the counter. "I don't even get a thank you for making all this?"

I act like he didn't ask me a question. I turn around with a sigh and make it so that my eyes convey how serious I am. "Beck…" A lump gets caught in my throat. _For God sakes, Jade get a hold of yourself! Man up. You need to do this…_ I clear my throat and dig my nails into my skin as I clench my fists so that I can keep myself together. "We need to talk."

"About what?"

_You know dang well what._

The silence thickens the room and the tension looms like an overcast. He shifts his position and runs a hand through his hair, his piercing eyes scanning me over trying to figure out what's on my mind.

I cross my arms over my chest and shake my head, the force of the action making my skull hurt. It takes a moment for me to collect myself but once I do I let it flood out. "You. Us."

His brows narrow and I swear his eyes can't get anymore venomous. I should be scared; I should be trembling; I know that's what he wants but I can't give him that. I need to be strong instead. I focus my thoughts on a fixated memory: the one from last night. I was happy, so happy, and then he had to come and steal that precious feeling away from me. I stay focused on that thought and let it loop in my head to fuel my passion. I can do this. I can…

"I can't do this anymore."

He opens his mouth to speak but I intercept before he can get a word in. "I'm done, Beck. I don't want to do this anymore. I want to move on. I want to break up."

The next few seconds feel like a lifetime. It's like one of the scenes in the movies where everything happens in slow motion and you can't do anything except see it all unfold before you. His face twists into a frown first, then he opens his mouth, closes it again, rage floods his eyes as he reaches for my coffee cup. Before I know what happened I'm overcome with a searing flooding pain which shoots up my arm._ Oh God it hurts; it hurts so badly! _I drop to my knees; tears sting my eyes as the flooding pain increases. It's like salt thrown onto a wound. A scream rips out of my mouth and I clutch my burnt arm as coffee soaks into the material of my shirt. It takes a bleak second for Beck to realize what he did. An agonizing second that floors me even more before he reaches out and yanks me up off the floor.

He keeps muttering "Baby, oh God…I'm so sorry…" over and over and over again as he turns on the tap to submerge my arm in the icy cold water. Relief floods over me and the pain slightly ebbs away as the cold takes over. Tears stain my cheeks and I feel his lips press against the salty drops as he whispers for forgiveness.

"Jade..." I bite my lip and turn my head away from him but he makes me face him anyway. "God please…I'm so sorry. Baby, I just snapped…" Tears blur his dark eyes and I feel the sweeping nausea take over. He pulls me close and starts shaking in synch with my trembling. I try to wretch out his grasp to get to the cabinet that hosts all the medicine. He follows me like a lost puppy as I search the cabinet for Aloe Vera or Neosporin and end up finding the former. I pull up my sleeve, wincing and choking on a sob as I see my raw skin. I bite my lip and lather the burnt skin in Aloe Vera before wrapping it in gauze.

I let out a shaky breath as his arms wrap around me once again. He's crying. Tears are falling down his face and he keeps shaking his head pulling me closer. "Please…please Jade… don't leave me. I love you so much…" Each word is a stab in the heart.

I don't say anything; just bite my lip hard as he rambles on and on. "Jade… Please baby say you won't leave me. I didn't mean to do that… I was so upset. Give me another chance…" His voice is low and hoarse; it sounds as if it's on the verge of giving up. "I'll do anything. I'll make it to you I promise… Please."

I feel the wall I worked so hard to build up start to crumble; my defenses are shattered as he begs for forgiveness. I want to say no. My heart is screaming for me to leave and never look back but I can't – I just can't. I let myself melt into his touch and I gently run a soft hand through his hair as I choke out, "I forgive you."

_Maybe he really is sorry. Everyone deserves a second chance right? He's not perfect but neither am I. _

~ ღ ~

We arrive to school without speaking much. Even Beck can't act like that whole burning incident never happened. Nope. Things will be awkward for today but when tomorrow rises everything will be peaches and cream.

Beck just kept stroking my arm and glancing at me now and then as we drove, his eyes shining with emotion which is quite a sight to see considering he's apathetic most of the time. I just kept my eyes peered out the window; my mind swarming with numerous thoughts.

Once we walk through the door of Hollywood Arts we are greeted with the morning chatter and bustle. I automatically head over to my locker and start gathering things for my class. Beck clears his throat, gives me a nod before murmuring, "Hey…I'm gonna head to class early. I've been late for my first class numerous times, one more and I might get detention so…" He trails off and quickly kisses my cheek before leaving me at my locker.

I feel an immense flood of relief wash over me as he leaves. I let out a shaky breath and gather all the things I need for the morning and shove them in my bag. I glance at the small compact mirror I have hanging from my locker and notice how tired I look. I shake my head, straighten up and slam my locker shut. I feel a hand gently touch my burnt arm and a hurt grunt escapes my lips. I turn and am greeted with soft brown eyes; technically two pairs of eyes, but there's only one set I'm particularly paying attention to.

Concern etches the pair of brown eyes I'm staring into; selfless Tori as she opens her mouth to ask what's wrong. I shrug it off and throw my bag over my shoulder. "Ran into a douchebag while I was heading to my locker and got coffee spilled all over me. Not a big deal."

"Ouch." Andre's brows etch in empathy. "Sorry to hear that, girl."

I shrug once more. Tori's eyes boar into my soul as she opens her mouth to speak but I cut her off once more. "I'm fine. What do you guys want?"

Tori smiles slightly and glances over at Andre. "Well, we just wanted to wish you good luck on your paper. You did really well on it and I'm sure you'll get a good grade."

"You're too corny, seriously."

She laughs but the two minute warning bell cuts into her cheery disposition. We all glance at each other knowing we have to all get to class.

"Can I give you a hug for good luck?"

_Tori please. You kill me. _I roll my eyes and accept her soft hug before heading off to my first class. Nervousness erupts in my stomach; good nervousness maybe? I can't tell. I take a deep breath to calm my nerves as I step inside the doors. There's already kids seated talking so I sit down and wait for the teacher to enter.

_Calm down Jade. Seriously. It's just a paper. Granted, a paper that could make or break your grade for this class but still. It turned out well, didn't it? So what have you go to lose?_

I lean back in my chair and listen to the banter of the other students as I wait. I hear conversations of what they've got planned for the weekend. Who they're going out with. How happy they are. Envy claws at my stomach when I listen to the stories. Why can't I be happy like them?

I sigh gruffly and trace circles on my desk as the teacher enters the classroom. Was it really Friday already? Geeze I can't seem to keep track of the time. Class starts and I attempt to pay attention to his lecture but I often nod off. It's just so boring. Ugh. Eventually after awhile the lecture dies down and he pairs off people to start peer-editing on their next essay assignment. The one I haven't even started.

I gather my bag from where it sits at the bottom of my desk and walk over to my teacher's perch. He looks at me from over his glasses, clearly annoyed that I've disrupted him from grading essays. My lips curve into a smirk and I cross my hands over my chest. "I finished the essay."

He seems pleasantly surprised by the news that he stops what he's doing to give me his full attention. "Well now, I'm impressed. I wasn't sure if you were going to use the second chance to finish it since you failed to do so the first time. You even remembered the dead line." _Wow. I was absent when it was assigned but good one._ "I might even give you full points depending on how well it turned out."

_Well aren't you nice._

I dig through my bag and find my dark grudgey styled folder which has all the papers and scripts for this class. A triumphant smile dances across my features as I dig through my folder for my paper. The smile soon fades and my heart starts racing as I search for it. Where is it?

"I finished it last night…" I hiss while digging through all the pages dotting my folder. "Where the heck is it?!"

And then it hits me. Like a strike of lightning I'm paralyzed to the spot as I realize where it is. Sitting on Beck's bedside table is where my two page paper, flowing with words front to back, resides. I printed it out before we left but I left it sit when I was getting my coat and I never remembered to retrieve it before I left.

My face falls and I know he catches it because he clears his throat in curiosity. I flick my eyes down to my folder then over to my teacher before muttering, "I…I think I left it at home..."

He narrows his eyebrows at me and purses his lips. "Jade you didn't have this done the first time and I gave you a second chance and yet you still don't have it done."

"I have it done! Honest! I just…I might have left it at home or..."

My voice cracks and I ball my hands into fists. I'm so angry, so furious at myself. I just blew my chance of passing this class because I was stupid and forgot to bring my paper. Why?!

He shakes his head and sighs glancing down at his papers while shutting me out again. He gives me a wave of his hand while he talks. "Look Jade, you were given a second chance. I'm sorry but you have to accept a zero on your paper. I can't give more than one chance."

"Can I go look and see if it's in my locker then?" I mutter, hands tightening around the shoulder strap of my bag. He nods curtly and shoos me with a wave of his hand. A few people give me looks as I leave the classroom but I ignore them.

I head over to my locker and rest my forehead against the cool metal. My stomach churns and I feel like I want to cry. How could I be so stupid? So incompetent? How could I forget the very thing that could keep me from failing this class? I want nothing more than to blame Beck; to point fingers at him because if we hadn't have fought maybe my mind wouldn't be so cloudy and hazy. Maybe my memory wouldn't be working at only 90%. Maybe I would have remembered if he would have just left me alone!

Tori's voice snaps me out of my snarled thoughts bur I don't even bother to look up. _Great. Now I'm hallucinating about hearing her voice. How more pathetic can I get?_ But the voice gets closer so I have no choice but to look in the direction its coming. Sure enough it's really her. I wasn't losing it.

"Hey." She walks over to me and searches my eyes. "What are you doing roaming the halls?"

"I could ask the same for you, Vega."

She grins sheepishly and laughs. "Bathroom break."

"Well, I'm looking in my locker for an essay that's never going to appear."

She looks confused for a moment before she realizes what I meant. Her face falls and her browns eyes shine with empathy as I continue. "I left it in Beck's RV. I forgot it and now my stupid douche of a teacher won't accept it even though I have it done. And now I'm pretty sure my chances of passing this class are flushed down the toilet because I had to screw everything up. Like always."

"Jade…"

I shake my head and can't even bring myself to look at her. I wonder if she's disappointed in me. I mean, after all she and Andre did and I still had to screw it up. I run a hand through my hair and lean back against my locker. I can't go back to class; if I go I'll end up being a depressed zombie. I'd be more than happy to skip classes. Maybe even convince Tori to do so even though she's the goody-too-shoes type. We could skip class; hang out together in the janitor's closet and just talk. Something so simple, so small, but we often take it for granted. Being able to just talk to people we care about.

She touches my shoulder and tries to soothe me. "I'm sorry that happened, Jade. I know you worked really, really hard on your paper and you would have gotten an A on it for sure." She nods in a reassuring gesture. "Sometimes we make mistakes and we slip up. You can't let that tear you down. You've just got to get up and keep going. Stay strong."

The words she says cuts straight through the heart and I'm overwhelmed in a sudden melancholy wave. I don't say anything to her kind words even though I want to. I want to take her advice and keep it safe in the palm of my hand but instead I just toss it away. I lose myself in my thoughts and give nothing to indicate that she's right. I'm too stubborn.

Before I know it her hand that was resting on my shoulder reaches up to cup my face and she leans in pressing a tender, soft kiss on my lips. It takes a moment for everything to register. Her lips taste so soft, so supple; the kiss so sweet. She pulls back after a moment has passed and her face is flushed. She seems to register what happened and I don't think she can comprehend it either. My eyes widen with shock and I take a step backward with recoil. Her wide eyes search mine and she looks like she wants to say something but I beat her to it.

"What the heck was that for, Vega?!"

My words rise to a shout and rip across the hall but I don't care. She bites her lip and her hand automatically covers her mouth. "OhmyGod, Jade-"

"Beck is my boyfriend! What are you thinking?!" I spat. I don't even know what to think or what to feel. Tori Vega, my secret crush, the object of my affections just kissed me even though I have a boyfriend. And the shameful part of me wants nothing more than to return the affection and kiss her back; forget everything and just drown in the moment of now. I'm so horrible, so petty. But then I remember Beck and my blood starts to boil.

"I...I…." Her voice shrinks to a squeak and she reaches out to grip my wrist but I slap it away. She looks hurt and confused and so many emotions are etched on her face. I'd imagine I look the same.

"WELL?!"

"You…" She swallows hard. "You just looked so sad…so depressed... I-I…thought-"

"You thought what?!" My voice carries through the hall; I'm surprised no teachers or students have peeked out of classroom doors to check on what was happening. A timid freshman rushes past us to get back to his class but everything is a blur. All I see it Tori. The girl in front of me. The girl I like so much.

"I wanted to cheer you up…I…" Her face flushes a deep crimson and her eyes glint with tears.

I'm done with beating around the bush. I'm done with this mindless banter. I use my emotions to fuel me and I conjure up the most hurtful thing I can come up with. The more deeply it cuts the better it will be for me. I can't do this anymore. She can't like me; I can't like her. We can't be together and that's it. As much as I want her, as much as I need her, it's selfish and I can't…I just can't…

"Well here's a news flash for you, Vega! I don't like you! I never did and I never will so get over yourself!" I hiss each word through clenched teeth and watch as her face completely falls and she breaks down. Tears descend down her face and she drops to her knees trembling. My hands are balled into fists so hard that my knuckles are white. I'm seeing red and I know I can't stay here any longer. I need to go; I need to get out because that's what Jade West does. She runs away from her problems like a pathetic child. Maybe the lies I just spewed will help me get over her. Maybe just maybe.

I brush past her without a second glance and her voice desperately cries through the hallways, echoing, "J-Jade! P-please…" I hear her get up and stumble after me but I'm already rushing past the school doors and down the front steps.

"Pl-please…don't do this! I don't know what I was thinking!"

I ignore her pleas and cries as I reach Beck's car door. Thankfully we each have a spare key for each other's vehicles so I unlock the door and jam the key into the ignition without a second thought. Tori's slowed down now when she's sees where I'm at. She stares at me but doesn't come any closer. She shakes her head and with trembling lips starts to murmur, "I'm sorry… If I could take that back I would! I didn't mean to make you angry…"

I'm deaf to her words. My eyes are clouded with so much emotion and I don't even bother to give her eye contact. I put the car in drive and slowly pull out of my parking stall. I give her one last glance; like it's a final farewell and rev out of sight.

I reach home within a short time and high-tail up to my bedroom locking myself within its comforting space. I pull the blinds shut and nestle myself deep into my comforter on my bed. The dark atmosphere is comforting and the hours tick by. I lay there just thinking; thoughts consuming my soul. Every now and then my phone lights up and I'm greeted with a text: one's from Beck asking where I was. I just made up a lie and said I felt sick and told him I took his car home because my mom was working (which she was) so she couldn't pick me up. Another's from Andre asking how the project went. Obviously he has no idea what happened. And then one by one texts from Tori come flowing in. I don't respond to them and at some point I stop looking at them. I act like they're not even there.

The hours go by and they get less frequent. I no longer jump when my phone lights up like a beacon in the dark. Eventually they stop all together. She must have given up. At that point, only then, would it have been the time where we both cried ourselves to sleep that fine Friday night.


	8. Chapter 6: Hurry up and save me

Authors note:

Thank you so much for your patience and understanding for my hiatus~! Your support and kindness truly helped so much. I do hope this was worth the wait.

Originally this was going to be twice this length (this chapter is almost 12 pages long!) but I decided to split this into two chapters.

I feel like a lot of this was off and I feel like I'm terribly rusty since I haven't wrote anything Windowpane related since October. ;o; I'm going to have to apologize in advance. Ideally I'd like to get a new chapter out each month but honestly that's not likely to happen. I've got another personal story of mine and I've wanted to focus on that so I hope you understand that Windowpane's updates will not be as frequent. I've got a lot of other things I want to focus on as well; not just writing.

Merry Christmas lovelies~3 For my avid readers think of this as a early Christmas present for you. Thank you for your continued support and reviews. It means the absolute world to me.

And last but not least~ I know a lot of you have been putting things like "I don't know you real well" or "I don't know much about you" please don't be so shy…!

I love meeting new people and chatting with others. I'm very easy to be befriend and get to know! Don't let my writing or story intimidate you into feeling like you can't talk to me. ; o; I'm really not that great! Writing is just a fun hobby for me. I could be so much better at writing if I didn't get my constant writing blocks. I'm just really good at putting myself in others shoes. I'm really good at exploring people. ;w;

Have a lovely Christmas and happy holidays~~!

~Aviditty

Chapter 6

Hurry up and save me

Daybreak comes too soon and my alarm sounds by my bedside. I feel like I'm paralyzed, immobilized, and I blink away the weight of the world feeling that's pounding through my head. I touch my cheek only to find that it's been soaked by tears. Must have cried in my sleep last night…

_It really happened… It wasn't just a dream; a horrible nightmare conjured up by my twisted mind. I hurt Tori… I hurt her and I can never take it back…_

The alarm gets louder and louder until its serenade pounds in my veins. Angry and disgusted I reach out and slam my fist on the off button and it stops. My hand throbs from the force and I take a moment to take a shaky breath. Ugh… I don't want to get up. I just want to stay in my solitude; away from everyone, shut out everyone. It's what's best. It always was.

I groan and lay back against my pillow which is cool and refreshing against my hot skin. I glance at the clock and the time: _7:00AM_ blinks back at me in a deep crimson.

School.

I press my fists against my eyelids and try and put my mind back together. It's a school day obviously or my alarm wouldn't have gone off. But…what day is it?

God, if anyone saw me right now they'd accuse me of having a hangover because that's exactly how I felt. Either that or I'm recovering from a drug withdrawal. Which, mind you, is not true. My memory is fuzzy, blurry on the edges and I can only seem to recall what happened yesterday and nothing of today. Even though yesterday was yesterday and it's over and I should move on and it's for the best, and God why does it hurt?!

My entire body aches like I had been beaten with a baseball bat. Slow reactions from the fight we had earlier this week or maybe my body is beginning to shut down and I can no longer take much more? That sounds promising. I bite my lip and try and drown myself in trying to remember things for today and not things of yesterday. Things of the present and future and not of the past. What's done is done and it's for the best. Get Tori Vega off your mind.

I roll over and feel a searing pain beat down on my shoulders as if I'm bearing the weight of lead or bricks. I squint and glance at the clock.

"I'm not going to school." I mutter aloud as if affirming it would make it true. I purse my lips and stare at the ceiling as I gather my thoughts. Okay, so today was a school day. A Friday…? Yes! It's a Friday because yesterday people were bragging about their weekend plans. Which reminds me; I have none. Yay.

Did I have any tests today? I scrunch my brow up in thought and knaw on my lower lip.

Ugh. What does it matter? I'm not going anyways so why worry. I sit up and reach for my phone out of instinct to check my texts without a second thought. I'm sent reeling, hand clamped over my mouth as I see the blinding _10 _hovered over my message folder. I don't even bother to read them, just a glance tells me five were from Tori, two from Beck, one from Cat, one from Andre, and one from Robbie. Deleting them is like purging my mind of memories from yesterday but sadly my brain isn't that forgetful and the entirety of yesterday leaks through like a dam being broken.

I clench my fists against the cottony material of my blanket and fight back the petty tears that are trying to fall. Grow up, Jade. You wanted this, remember? It's for the best. You know that.

My stomach churns and I find myself staring at the clock again, waiting for the minutes to tick by. Pregnant silence passes and I'm left with one thought and one thought only.

"I'm going to school." I grit my teeth. "Whether I like it or not I cannot afford to miss anymore classes or work. And if I show up it'll show that nothing's wrong. That things are okay. I'll be fine."

And with that thought in mind I snake my way out of my mess of covers and follow the hallway outside my bedroom to the bathroom for a nice hot shower. I need a nice hot relaxing shower and I could care less if I'm late. As long as I show up that's all that matters.

~ ღ ~

It's close to 8:30 by the time I arrive at school. The hallways are deserted aside from the occasional student getting something they missed at their locker or a bathroom breaker. I don't even bother to rush. Why should I? After all I'm already late, what's a few more minutes going to do?

That nice scalding shower was just what I needed and I'm feeling more rejuvenated which is saying something. The thoughts keep obscuring my mind but I push them away. No use letting them linger. I rest my hand against the cool metal of my black locker and glance through everything in its interior. Once I'm sure I haven't missed any items I throw my bag over my shoulder and head to my class. It's still first period so that would be our lovely teacher Sikowitz.

Not many people were fond of him but that's because most people don't get him. He's goofy, zany, has a good heart and truly is a good teacher. He's my favorite out of all my teachers. God, I sound like a corndog. Tori's rubbing off on me. UGH.

Tori.

Her name causes my heart to skip a beat and for once I wish her name was foreign and unfamiliar, but it isn't and it won't ever be. The sound is like a lullaby off my tongue. She'll always be Tori Vega to me. No matter how much I want to she will never be wiped from my memory.

I reach the familiar doorframe and pause before taking a deep breath and opening it to let myself in. Sikowitz is in the middle of a lecture; I can tell because pretty much every student turns to glance at me when I walk through the door. A few hushed whispers; a few murmurs occur but I pay no mind. Sikowitz gives me a nod and then says, "Jade, you're late. Take your seat."

Way to state the obvious. I roll my eyes and sit down beside the open seat next to Beck as Sikowitz continues where he left off. He's talking about method acting and I only have to take a guess that we must have some sort of project related to it as there are notes and others things scribbled on the white board.

Beck nods as I sit down and I small smile forms on his face. His eyes are intense, brown, and caring; something I've grown accustomed to not seeing anymore. I give him a small smile back to show that I'm okay. I had to be. I had to move on. The sooner I move on the better it'll be for me. I figure if I go about my day acting like nothing ever happened it might work.

I can feel Tori's eyes boring into the back of my skull but I do nothing to indicate that I know she's starring at me.

Eventually the lecture ends and we are split off into pairs－Beck and I are together of course. Sikowitz wants us to start brainstorming and to create a scene where we'd get into our method acting shoes. It can't be too hard with how I am right now. If we do angst no one will have a hard time believing it isn't real. I would be able to step into the scene and truly believe that it was happening, make people believe it's not acting. That's what method acting was right?

I start scribbling notes on a blank page in my notebook and chew on my pencil absentmindly as I think. Beck leans over and eyes up what I wrote. "Angst sounds good. We'll both be good at this." He muses, running a hand through his hair. "Method acting is just about not acting, right? Getting into the scene and believing it's truly real. As if it's really really happening. It's just letting it consume you. We can do that."

_You have no idea._

I jot more notes down before Beck intervenes and whispers, "Hey, how are you feeling? You went home yesterday sick, didn't you?"

It was an innocent question but it still caused my heart to stop beating for a split second. I recover quickly and laugh softly to break the tension. "Yeah I'm fine." I purse my lips and avert my eyes back to my paper trying to bore its written scrawl into my brain so I wouldn't have to think. "I think it was just one of those day long flues or something. I'm fine."

Beck's eyes search mine but then he smiles so I guess my lie must have gotten through him. He changes topics and gently touches my arm; the arm that is healing from the coffee burns. I grimace, and he gently strokes my shoulder soothingly. "So…this weekend," He stops for a moment as if he's trying to figure out how to explain it. "I'll be busy all weekend; family from San Diego are coming out to visit so we won't be able to do anything. Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay." I snort, rolling my eyes and bracing my back against one of chairs. "Mom wants me to go shopping with her so it's fine." It's a big fat lie; like mom really wants to _anything_ with me but I can't admit that I have no plans. It's pathetic. He grins and folds his hands over his chest, leaning back with a smirk. "Sounds like fun! Mother daughter bonding time!"

"Shut it. It's not funny." I scoff but then my lips curve up into a smirk and I end up snickering anyways. "Okay so maybe it is. Whatever."

Before we know it the bell has run and the 5 minute timespan between our next class begins. Beck and I get ready to leave. Tori passes me a worried, wary, almost pleading glance but I glare at her and turn cheek. Sikowitz sounds through the room and we're stopped in our tracks. "Tori, Jade, I need to speak with both of you."

What now?...

I turn around and cast my eyes towards Sikowitz. I fold my arms over my chest and wait for him to speak. Tori stands beside me and the tension is sickening. Beck waits by the door for me. I purse my lips, "What do you want?"

"Mitchel, your film teacher alerted me to something that happened yesterday…"

My heart stops and my blood runs cold. Does he know? Does he know what happened? How could he? No one was in the vicinity when it happened.

"Jade. You left school grounds yesterday, didn't you?"

My lips are formed into a tight line and I feel bubbling fury rush through me. "Yes! I did! But I was—"I scramble for the right words; the right lies. "I felt like I was going to be sick! I got a stomach bug or something. Waiting at the stupid nurse's office wasn't going to help me so I left!"

"Jade watch your mouth." His voice was sharp. He turns his eyes towards Tori. "And you… you tried to stop her, didn't you?" Tori's face is white and she looks from me to Sikowitz and then me again. I feel Beck's gaze bore into my backside and I know he's listening.

"I...I did but…"

"You still left school grounds, Tori. Mitchel was furious once Jade never came back. He went to the principal's office and checked the security cameras and saw everything." _Oh my God you have got to be kidding me! They saw EVERYTHING. I should just die right here and now. _

My pulse quickens and my pupils dilate and I feel like the room is spinning. They know everything. They saw everything. Sikowitz knows I'm lying. He knows everything. I am so screwed over right now.

"And if I recall correctly, Tori. You went to the bathroom during the time that Jade went to her locker, correct?" She nods lamely, face burning in shame. "And do you recall whose class you were in during that time?"

"Yours."

That's right. I kept forgetting that Tori has two classes with Sikowitz. Our Acting class and then a Play literature class. That makes sense why Sikowitz would be involved now.

"Listen. I don't really want to do this. You had good intentions Tori but…" He trails off then sighs. "I have to give you detention, too." Tori nods stiffly and situates her bag on her shoulder to ease her anxiety.

"You and Jade will have detention after school today. You'll be cleaning up another food fight scene in the black-box theatre. I'm sure that punishment seems familiar."

That's how Tori and I…well… It's when _I _started becoming less of a brat to her. Very slight but still. She took the detention punishment when it should have been given to me and I'll never forget that.

"That'll take hours…" I mutter under my breath.

"It's what you have to take." His voice is strong and his eyes bore into mine. "Next time you're feeling sick, Jade." He put emphasis on the word sick. "Tell a teacher that you need to go home. It'll save you a lot of headache and worry from others. You're excused." He hands us both late passes so we don't get in trouble when we show up late to our next class.

I nod with tight lips and turn tail towards Beck. He gives me a sympathetic glance and holds me close as we walk. My mind is a fury of thoughts and questions. Sikowitz actually played along with my lie. Even though he and Mitchel knew everything because of what was caught on camera. Almost as if he figured I had a reason to lie. He didn't know why yet he still played along. He protected me without knowing it. My heart sinks to my stomach. So many people are getting lost in lies just to protect me. Too many people keep intervening and getting involved without realizing it…

~ ღ ~

I shift my glance at the clock and find myself wishing this nightmare was over. Tori and I both have detention and who knows how long this will end up taking! I sigh and slam my locker shut knowing I should probably head to the black-box theatre. I strut down the hallway a fury of things rushing through my brain. How am I going to survive being alone with her in a room for hours? I'm trying to get my mind off her; I'm trying to get away from her. I'm doing my best to avoid Tori and get on with my life but she always find a way to come back. Or I always end up crawling back. Pathetic.

I scoff and let myself inside the room to find Tori already there. Her head snaps up at the noise of the door and she gets an almost pained expression on her face when she notices it's me. I ignore her and simply walk pass her to the vinyl gloves places upon a table. Alongside it is a bucket and a scrapper and various other tools for getting this gunk off the walls. Should be fun. Not.

I roll my eyes and pull my gloves on with a snap. Tori jumps a little as she's clearly on edge. She glances over at me and watches as I start scrapping some gook off the black cement-block walls. There's so much tension and I can tell this entire ordeal makes it hard to bare. And it's all my fault. But it's for the best. Remember that.

I keep my attention focused at the task at hand: cleaning this room as best we can. The sooner we get done the sooner I don't have to deal with this ever again. Every now and then I see Tori pause from her work and glance over at me out of the corner of my eye. The silence is thick and looming but eventually it is broken by Tori's voice.

"Jade," Her voice is clear yet full of worry laced in-between. "What do I have to do to have you forgive me?"

I tense up, feeling almost shocked that she shattered the silence. I was hoping I would be let off easy. That everything that happened yesterday would just be a memory and we could move on and forget each other. But then I remember this is Tori and Tori's not so easy to back down.

I purse my lips and act like I didn't hear her. It's as if she's just a whisper in the wind: a leaf in the breeze. Nothing.

It's quiet for a moment a brief calm before the storm that's bound to happen. At once I hear a clang; Tori dropped her scrapper and she's whirled around to face me. Her eyes are red and she must have been crying before I came in. I never noticed because I was too busy wallowing in my thoughts. Her voice is desperate, frantic, raised to a yell, "For the love of God answer me!"

I flinch, surprised by her outburst, her anger, and more importantly her want, need, to talk to me. It overpowers me.

"You don't know how much I stayed up last night just crying and crying because I thought I ruined everything. I made a mistake okay?! If I could take it all back I would, believe me I would. I just…" Her voice cracks and her strong front breaks. "I want you to talk to me. I want you to forgive me. I want to have our friendship back. Please Jade..."

Her pleading and begging cuts me straight to the core. Why on earth does she affect me so much? How can she break me like this? Guilt and shame crush me and I feel myself breaking little by little.

I glance over at her; I actually look her in the eyes and let my gaze linger there. It feels odd after trying so hard to avoid her but certainly not wrong. I purse my lips and try to think of a cocky comeback but I can think of anything except accepting her into my heart again. Wow. I'm such a weakling. I watch her eyes as they shimmer with a sense of hope that we can stop this fighting. And part of me can't take much more of this either. It's foolish of me to act this way over a mistake. For God sakes Beck's made plenty of mistakes and yet I still love him.

"Vega…"

My nickname for her makes a glimmer of hope flicker across her face. Almost. It was my name for her. No one else called her Vega besides me. At first I used it as a derogatory term since I felt like she didn't deserve to be called by her first name; only her last name, Vega. But sometimes I still do it out of habit but it's more affectionate now since we've grown closer. Sure I can be quite a jerk and a gank most of the time but I'm better then I was when we first met.

I sigh lightly and stop what I'm doing to give her my full attention. "I…" I run a hand through my hair as my heart drops into my ribcage. I've been so horrible. It's always become a habit to run away from my problems. I'm headstrong, defiant, yet I'm such a weakling deep down. I just play a good part. I'm really insecure though no one would ever know. "I'm really sorry for everything." I say it with such sincerity, such fierceness so that she knows I truly mean it. And I do. It's tremendously hard for me to apologize. I just can't most of the time. But here I am apologizing.

Her lips curve into a soft, delicate smile and it makes my heart throb. I know I can't fight this anymore. My brain is telling me to scream and start another fight but my heart is saying otherwise. _Scream. Yell at her. Think up the most horrible thoughts you can conjure and spew them at her. You need to do it. _But I can't. I can't do this to her. It's too selfish. I can't destroy what we had.

Her smile is weak but it's there. I can almost see her shoulders relax and the tension start to fade. My ice is completely melted; vanished from my heart until the point comes where I need to build it back up again and that would be the next time I see Beck.

"You had me worried sick, Jade…" Her voice cracks but she's standing up now. She walks over to me, almost with a sense of hesitation as if I'm some dog that she's not sure she should be near in case I lash out. "I thought for sure I'd ruined everything. I really am sorry…"

She shouldn't be apologizing. It's my entirefault. I blew everything out of proportion. I was the one who would have ruined everything. I had the power to do so. I could have changed fate.

"Don't apologize." I say simply, giving her a slight nonchalant nod. "Just forget about it. Let's move on, okay? Don't linger on the past, even if it was only yesterday."

She gives me a real full smile and nods. "That's all I want. I just want to be friends again."

I run a hand through my hair and take a gander at the mess we still have to clean up. This will take hours. Ugh. Tori seems to notice my intense stare at the walls and clears her throat garnering my attention.

"Hey," She got a slight smirk to her lips as if she's got something up her sleeve. "We don't _have_ to stay here all night. A little emergency could pop up. I could get us out of here."

The tension and awkwardness from before is gone. Tori's putting everything behind her like I wanted and we've begun anew and I'm thankful for her resilience and the ability to bounce back quickly.

I raise my eyebrows and fold my hands over my chest. "Wow, Vega I'm starting to believe I'm becoming a bad influence on you."

Tori shrugs and her eyes shine with hidden laughter. "Just a bit." I roll my eyes wondering what the big plan was. "So, what happens if there's an _emergency_?" Emphasis is placed on emergency. "And somehow you were indirectly involved. They'd have to let us leave."

"I like where this is going." I'd rather not spend my entire Friday night stuck in detention and I doubt she would either.

Tori's already speedily sending a text to someone and the exchange happens for a few moments before she smiles and does a semi twirl in triumph. I quirk a studded brow in question.

"Trina's home from college. She didn't have a class today and they have a long weekend this weekend so she's at home."

"Your point?"

"I just told Trina to come and pick us up. She's gonna have a story and scene all planned out. Don't worry; she's got it covered. We'll get out of here in no time."

"I'm not sure I trust your sister but if it lets us get out of here then I'm all game."

Tori laughs. "So…do you have any plans this weekend? I want to make everything up to you somehow."

And there she goes. Selfless Tori. Always thinking of others.

"Not that I know of." I purse my lips. "Beck's spending the weekend with family if I recall."

"Then you're spending the night at my house tonight! It's settled!" She wraps me in a hug before I can blink and then lets go as soon as her phone vibrates. She hurriedly texts Trina back and then drums her fingers along the wall. "I'll make everything up to you. We'll have a yummy dinner and I'll even let you watch any movie you want! Even if it's horror."

"How quaint."

And now suddenly I have plans for the weekend. It is quite an acquisition. How could I say no? It's not like I had anything else better to do. Why not? It was just a friendly gesture. It's what friends do right?

~ ღ ~

The plan went along accordingly and before I knew it we were whisked out of school and off to Tori's house. Trina actually did something useful for once. I'm extremely impressed. And like she promised Tori did make it up to me. Her mom and dad were out shopping so it was just Trina, Tori, and I. The three of us (and by three, I should say two because Trina did _nothing_) ended up making tacos which turned out fantastic. I've been craving Mexican food so this was perfect. Likewise we spent the better part of the evening watching one of my favorite horror movies to which Tori sat petrified at but she still endured evertything quite well. Heck, Trina actually enjoyed the movie; she sat there making fun of all the characters with me. Now _that's_ saying something. Who knew Trina and I could actually get along for once?

Eventually my body began to ache and I was in so much pain I had no choice but to admit myself to bed. It always ended up happened like this ― my body would end up aching at the later part of the day and I'd have to go to bed early to recover. It didn't matter when the beatings occurred sometimes my body would ache even after the bruises would heal. Not much I could do about it. It's almost like my body was shutting down.

Tori led me upstairs and over to the spare bedroom they had. It wasn't really furnished. Just a bed and a small shelf for things to store as well as a bedside table but it was cozy enough. After all it was a spare bedroom.

"I hope you feel better." She smiles lightly and points to her room down the hall. "I'm just down the hall if you need me so don't hesitate to do so. Good night."

And just like that I'm left alone. I lock myself in the bedroom and strip down and pull on a tank top and shorts for bed. I sigh lightly a little angry and upset that I had to go to bed so early. It was only 9PM and here I was exhausted as if I've just ran a marathon. But there was no way I could continue on like this. It happened frequent; almost every night I'd have to let myself get to sleep early. But I've honestly grown used to it. It's as if I have a disease, like M.E. but I don't. It's just aches and bruises and pain from within and there was nothing I could do about. Nothing could fix it. Besides me being a better girlfriend; maybe then I wouldn't get beat. Maybe just maybe.

Whatever.

I set my alarm for the morning, actually aiming to get up early so that I can spend more time with Tori. Maybe we could do something for a bit in the afternoon.

I shut off the lights and let myself get enveloped in the dark. I nestle under the covers and will myself to go to sleep. I gently rub a bruise on my arm, almost fondly, as if that'll make the pain go away. I will myself to go to sleep knowing I need it more than anything right now.


End file.
